These days, the letter "C" is very much the theme of my life.*  "C" is for Corona virus, and COVID-19, and even though "quarantine" starts with a "Q" there are first graders who will misspell it with a "C."  But we're not calling it quarantine in my household--we're calling it "temporarily banished for the good of the realm."  I encourage you to do the same.
      But "C" is also for coffee, & chocolate, & conchas (which I intend to try baking later this week).  It's also for chats & chums.  It's also for Critique Groups, & I am here to happily report that I have been able to join a new one!  Admittedly, I'm joining at a point where we have to meet remotely so I'm giving & receiving feedback to disembodied voices (we haven't figured out the video features yet), but it has given me the extra motivation needed.  Writing is once more a part of my routine.  Now I get up in the morning, put on my comfy composition clothing (pj pants & a fluffy hoodie), & get in front my laptop.  It has already improved my mental health.
      So thank you, new critique comrades.  Thank you, cat who sits next to me & purrs while I write.  Thank you cup of caffeine.  And thank you, readers: you may not start with a "C," but I cherish your continued check-ins on the content of this blog.

Here's a baby porcupine.  It has nothing to do with anything, but it's super cute, and "cute" starts with "C."  You're welcome.

*Oh yes, hello!  And by the way I'm not dead!

      Just a quick update to say that I sent in my queries and requested pages to the agents from the PNWA conference.  This last week was all about scrupulously reading their requirements & composing my letters.  Oh yeah, and writing my synopsis.*  We all know how much I love writing a synopsis.  Even after checking & re-checking my work to be sure I was following each agent's guidelines, I got a little more light-headed each time I hit "send."  Once it's sent, it's...sent.  No going back.  No more opportunities to tweak or correct.
      So obviously that called for a cup of tea.  Today it's a spicy chai I let steep for 5 minutes, then stirred in an ounce of bourbon.  Some days just call for that sort of thing.  And after all, today is the first day of autumn--time to celebrate!

Today's beverage and this month's bedtime reading.

      Nerdy stuff coming next week--I'm loving the Captain Marvel trailer and the latest space discoveries!

      I woke up Friday morning wanting to write.  That hasn't happened for...um...how long has it been since my last blog post?
      Ok, that's a mild exaggeration.  There have actually been several days in the last few months where I have felt an inclination to work on my stories.  And a few times I gave into said inclination for 20 or 30 minutes.  But that's about as far as I've gotten because - in the words of my co-workers - I got Life'd.
      What made Friday unique was that I didn't just feel like, "Writing could be fun," I felt like, "I NEED TO WRITE!"  And guess what?  No time.  I had to work for 5 hours (on my day off), then I cooked for 4 hours, then I co-hosted a Cinco de Mayo party for another 4 hours.  I have zero complaints about how the day ended because it involved margaritas.  Mixed Citrus Jalapeño Margaritas, to be exact!  But all the same, there was no time to write.
      And I. Am. Fed. Up.
      Writing is my biggest passion.  Honestly, it's bigger than cooking, it's just that finding time to cook is easier, because I eat every day.*  Life is too damn short not to pursue one's passions.  So time to write will be found, come hell or Gods Damned high water!
      I've joined a new Writer's Group, which meets every other week.  I'm hoping that will help keep me accountable.  Besides, the weather is getting sunnier & inspiration is peeking out from so many corners!  There are hikes to enjoy, Farmers' Markets to peruse, & friends to host, all of which help get my creative juices flowing.  I'm going to do my damnedest to get back into regular blogging as well.  And to thank you for continuing to read (despite a few months of absence, here is that recipe I promised.  Drink responsibly, please, & Feliz Cinco de Mayo.

Z.D.'s Mixed Citrus Jalapeño Margaritas
makes 1 large pitcher

Ingredients: 
24 oz. Tequila Blanco
11 oz. freshly squeezed lime juice
9 oz. freshly squeezed lemon juice
3 - 4 oz. Mixed Citrus Vanilla Syrup**
1 jalapeño pepper, halved lengthwise
extra lime wedges, jalapeno slices, kosher salt, & crushed ice for serving

Directions: 
 - Mix tequila, juices, & syrup in a large pitcher until thoroughly combined.  Drop in the jalapeño, cover with plastic wrap, & chill 30 minutes to 2 hours.  DO NOT leave the jalapeño in there longer than that, it will develop too harsh of a flavor!

 - To serve, use a lime wedge to wet the lip of a margarita or highball glass.  Let sit for 1 minute, then dip rim into a shallow saucer of kosher salt.  Set aside for 10 minutes to let the salt adhere.  Fill glass with crushed ice, then pour margarita mixture over.  Serve with lime wedge on the side if so desired.

Not my photo, but this is basically what it looks like.  I went with a little less salt than that.

*Four times, usually.

**Here's the twist: this is the leftover syrup from making this recipe for Mixed Citrus Marmalade from Bon Appetit magazine.  Why the heck do I have it?  Because I made the marmalade as part of my Easter dessert.  Is it a pain in the ass?  Yes.  Is it so absurdly delicious that you'll make it again even though it is a pain in the ass?  Yes.

      A common piece of advice among writers is to "start a story in the middle."  The idea is that tales often don't get interesting until a certain amount of tension builds, or problems unfold.  By starting a story in the middle, the characters have their motivations firmly in place, and the reader gets to find out not only what happens next, but what has already happened.  This is fresh on my mind after just watching the final performance of Seattle Opera's "La Traviata," Verdi's famous tragedy.*  I'd never seen it before, nor was I familiar with the story, although in many ways it's a classic tale.

I wish I had seen it earlier so I could have recommended it to more people!!!

      Here's a summary: the most popular young courtesan in Paris** is wooed by an awkward, bookish young man.  She is dying from a wasting disease, & he wants to take her away from her life of vice.  Against all her instincts, she falls for him.  For a time they are happy together in the French countryside.  But then the young man's father arrives & begs the courtesan to leave his son & not tarnish the family name.  Grieved, but determined to do the right thing, she abandons her lover & returns to Paris, where she persuades everyone - even him - that she was only toying with his affections.  He confronts her in a rage before leaving to travel abroad with his family.  Months later, she is dying alone, when her lover returns.  His father has told him of her sacrifice, & he is determined they shall live happily together once more.  But alas it is too late: although her heart is filled with joy she dies in his arms.
      The opera opens right where my summary began: at a party, where the Parisian elite are teasing this bookworm by pushing him towards his celebrity crush.  We know nothing of the courtesan's past except that she must be good at what she does to be so popular.  As the opera goes on, we learn more of her lover's past than of hers.  But the story doesn't need anything more: the themes of the tragedy (and the gorgeous music) speak for themselves.
      Now a novel doesn't have the benefit of music or actors to fill out the blanks.  The author must find ways to do this on their own.  But more than that, the author has to figure out something more subtle: just where the heck is the "middle," anyway?
      Some stories seem like they're starting at the beginning, & it's not until later the reader realizes how they are really in the middle of something--something big.  While not an expert on the genre, it seems to me this is how pretty much every mystery goes.  Consider the Sherlock Holmes mysteries; sure, it's the beginning of the adventure for the famous detective, but the mystery itself may have been gathering momentum for years.

"Once upon a time" could mean a lot of things, depending on the timeline in question.

      When I tried to think of stories that actually begin at the beginning, the only thing that came to mind was fairy tales.  You don't start by saying a girl in a red hood knocks on her grandmother's door, & then find out she met the wolf en route after she's been eaten.  But then again, the story starts with Little Red going to visit her sick granny.  Already we have a character with a history so strong her identity is synonymous with it.  Where do stories really begin, anyway?  If they're character based, would the beginning be birth?  But then what about the family of origin?  Or the history of the location where it all takes place?
      While I'm certain there are plenty of authors, professors, editors, & other people far more experienced & successful than I who give a concise definition of what it means to "start a story in the middle," I'm starting to think that for me it really means knowing the story myself.  As the author, I need to know what happened to set up the events at the opening of my tale.  After all, a good novel is rarely one story: it's usually several interwoven.  "Pride & Prejudice" may seem to start at the beginning - when Elizabeth first meets Mr. Darcy - but later we learn the story of Mr. Darcy's pride & reserve, & the scandal that threatened his family & comes to threaten hers.
      Maybe I'm getting too philosophical here, but thinking about where a story starts seems a lot of like trying to figure out when a day begins.  Midnight?  When the sun breaches or the horizon?  Or pulls free of it?  When your alarm goes off?  When your coffee kicks in?  Maybe it's not so much about starting the story in the middle, as it is about the writer creating a sense of real time continuum.  After all, everyone wants to believe their own next adventure could start any moment!



*It's so famous, that even if you're not an opera fan you're probably familiar with at least one tune.

**Of course it has to be Paris, even though the opera is in Italian.

      With the snow well and truly in the foothills, my hiking spree comes to an end.  I hiked a total of fourteen different trails this year, totaling approximately 74 miles.  I've got one more lined up.  And if I get any reasonably dry weekends this winter, I'll probably try a few more.
      On my first hike of 2016 I picked up a nice, natural pole of maple off the side of the trail.  It's about four feet long, approximately 1.25 inches in diameter, and still pretty green.  This has served as my walking stick on every hike this year.  I'm pretty happy I've been taking it along.  I get a lot of positive comments, and it's nice to have this practical memento that's been with me literally every step of the way.
      I've seen a fair percentage of people on the trail using artificial hiking sticks, the kind that look like ski poles.  Apparently they're called "trekking poles," and some of them cost over $100 each.

That's a pretty high-tech stick ya got there.

      I don't see the appeal.  Even if someone got me one as a gift, I'm not sure I'd ever use it.  I'm rather fond of nature.  That being said, any hiking stick is better than none.  Here's my rational:

#1) They're free.

#2) Good hikes wear out the legs long before they wear out the arms; give your knees a little love and brace your steps with a hiking stick on the way down.

#3) You can pretend you're a wandering wizard!

#4) Use it to fend off over-enthusiastic wildlife, like hungry raccoons and aggressive squirrels.

No, seriously: people feed squirrels, and the squirrels start to expect it from everybody.  If you don't deliver, they WILL attack you!  I've seen this happen!

#5) In the summer months, the first one on the trail for that day WILL encounter numerous spider webs.  Unless you LIKE walking through those, use your hiking stick to take them down as you go!

#6) Perfect for testing the reliability of footing when fording streams or going through rocky patches.

#7) People who didn't bring a hiking stick will have major stick envy.  (I've actually had random people ask me for my hiking stick.  In the middle of the woods.  Surrounded by other sticks.)

#8) Unlike the store-bought ones, the supply, manufacture, and distribution of sticks on the side of the trail have zero carbon footprint!

Made in America!  In fact it's made right here!  Like, actually right here...it just...y'know...grew on this tree.

#9) When you're done with it, you can just throw it on the side of the trail, and you're not littering!

#10) Don't act like #3 doesn't apply to you, because it totally does, nerd.

Everybody wants a wizard staff.  You are no exception.

      I was perusing the newspapers online today, and found this excellent article from the New York Times explaining just what the heck is going on with the Electoral College.  More than any other time in my life - including the tension-strapped presidential election of 2000 - I hear people talking about the Electoral College this year.  Most of them are like me: they have a vague recollection of learning about it in high school, none of which made sense because they were either a) experiencing panic triggered by the very word "college," or b) snickering about the nonsensical pun "erect-oral college," depending on their maturity level on that given day.

I think I still have my old U.S. Gov text book around somewhere....

      Although I am increasingly politically active these days,* my first reaction to this article was actually: "Wow, that's complicated. You can't make this stuff up."
      Then I realized: yeah you can.  People do it all the time.  Any mature, imaginary world has a made-up system of government, including mine.
      Plenty of good novels never bother going into politics in any way, shape, or fashion.  But many others - from spy thrillers to science fiction epics - touch on it with a certain level of confidence.  The more unique the world, the more essential a well-planned system of government, even if it's never fully explained.  The Harry Potter books are a great example.  Then you get Game of Thrones, which is entirely based around the complex intricacies of politics and government.  Even the Chronicles of Narnia rely on a hefty, if simplistic concept.
      Pondering this leads me inevitably to Star Wars.**  I probably saw the original Star Wars trilogy as a toddler, when "Return of the Jedi" came out.  Which means I was enjoying the heck out of it long before I could grasp a lot of what was going on.  In fact - and it embarrasses me to admit this - it wasn't until Episode One that I actually understood all the political nuances of the original trilogy.  (It also embarrasses me that I saw Episode One at all, but how could we have known what we were in for!?!)  I remember thinking, "Oh, I get it now, there's a senate!  And the empire wanted it gone!  And THAT's how there can be a princess who's not related to the emperor!"
      Don't judge me.  Toddlers get interesting ideas and can hold on to them for a really, really long time.

Although frankly I don't have high hopes for the government when the senate floor literally looks like particles being sucked down a drain.

      In my early attempts at fantasy writing, I went for very basic monarchies as governments.  They were character driven, and I didn't have to think too hard about how they worked.  I'd like to say I've come far since then, but the truth is I still tend to lean towards simplistic governments.  When I do got for something more politically complex, I usually pull a George R.R. Martin and base them on history (although not nearly as intricately as he).  This is a challenge for me, to be honest.  I don't have a very scheming mind.  I suck at chess.  But if I have a mature story that calls for any reference to the government of my worlds, I try to have an outline, because I need to know what the heck is going on even if it never gets fully explained to the reader.
      I'd love to know what other writers - and readers - think about this.  When your story takes place in an imaginary place, do you think the politics are important?  Do they add to a story, or detract?  And how the heck do you keep them straight?



*Gettin' mah social justice on!  Woot!

**Incidentally, if you haven't seen Rogue One yet, go see it!  But re-watch the original Star Wars movie first; unless you have it memorized like me, you'll be glad of the refresher to get all the awesome bits and references.

      If you are serious about being a published fiction writer, you've probably been given the following advice: write short stories.  Try to publish short stories.  Submit short stories to contests.  Agents/editors/publishers are more likely to read your novel manuscript if you've put out some short stories.
      I have no idea whether or not this advice holds water.  Partly because a) I've never read that many short stories, so I don't have a good sense of their popularity, and b) I suck at writing them.

It's funny, because it's true.

      I try.  I really, honestly try.  Every now and again I put out a burst of effort, and I think I may have completed two or three halfway decent stories.  More often, however, I either give up halfway through because THERE IS NO WAY that I will accomplish what I want in under 5000 words, or I do finished it, and realize it's not a short story at all: it's a scene from a novel.
      As I was writing this blog post, it occurred to me that I'm not even sure what qualifies as a short story, so I decided to look it up.  I read eleven different websites and each had a different definition.  Here are the definitions I trust the most:

Flash Fiction = 53 to 1,000 words*
Short Story = 3,500 to 7,500 words
Novelette = 7,500 to 17,000 words
Novella = 17,000 to 40,000 words
Novel = 40,000 words or more

      I was recently presented with an opportunity to write a short story on a very general theme, with almost a promise it would be published in an anthology.  It just so happened I already had an idea that might fit.  So I grabbed my notebook, bought a fruit smoothie, and headed to the lake to enjoy some late summer sunshine and let the creativity flow.  It worked.  My rough draft totaled at just under 6,000 words.  The characters, concept, and language felt pretty solid for a first draft.  I was very pleased with my creativity over-all.
      But...it's not a short story.
      Oh, the length is there, but there's no STORY!  It's a SCENE!  When I read it, I feel like a mildly interested voyeur into a somewhat bizarre, paranormal conversation.  But in terms of a beginning, middle, and end, it is weak sauce.  And I actually finished writing it, got in the shower, and banged my head against the wall in frustration.**

Shove it, Will, you bloody hypocrite.

      So I came up with the following theory: I think my problem is that I let my characters tell the story.  When I write a manuscript for a novel, I have ideas for challenges and circumstances, but then I sit back and let the characters I've created figure out what to do.  I just write down how they would react.  If they don't react the way I want, I either tweak their backstory or I change the impetus so they wind up where I want.  Example: let's say I want a character to burn down a cheese factory, but arson really isn't in keeping with their personality.  I could put a traumatic incident in their childhood involving Gruyere to alter their motivation.  Or, I could have a villain threaten the life of their grandmother if they don't torch the joint.
      But there isn't room for that kind of development in a short story!  With limited space, I just have to tell the reader "Hepzibah's PTSD was so severe, she blacked out at the smell of cheddar," and they just have to take my word for it.  Whereas I look at that sentence, and I think: something that good deserves a whole page--maybe a whole chapter!
      So...I'll never be a great writer.  The Greats always wrote short stories: Austen, London, Bradbury, LeGuin, etc.  Stephen King got his start with short stories.  Just thinking about it bums me out.  I think I'm going to made myself a grilled cheese sandwich and take a shower.  Not at the same time.



*And heaven forbid you should want to write something between 1,000 and 3,500 words, you non-conformist freak!

**Not too hard, though.  Just enough to get my point across.  I like my noggin safe and non-concussed.

    I was going to post something about writing today - I really was, it was going to be deep and inspiring - but then I looked at the morning paper.  For the first time in a long time, the headline made he ridiculously happy.  And the best thing to do with happiness is to pass it around.  So here you go:

Read the story - and watch the videos!!! - of the local rescue of this baby sea otter.  And remember: most human beings are kind.  Many of them are very kind, and generous.  Our empathy and generosity is such that it touches other humans, and even other animals.  There's hope for us yet.

      I'll post something deep and moving about writing this weekend.  It's a four day weekend, so yeeeaaay!

P.S. - Today (Aug 30th) is National Toasted Marshmallow Day!

      I went to see "Suicide Squad" about a week ago.  Up until the moment the ticket was in my hot little hand, I was uncertain whether or not I would watch the movie in the theater--or at all, really.  Let's face it: DC hasn't had a great run.  I went to see "Batman vs Superman" in a theater pub hoping that a few shots would render it palata.  They didn't.  And I'm a person who is easily entertained.
      Of all the DC movies PCB*, "Suicide Squad" was by far the best.  But saying that is like comparing and contrasting brands of kitty litter, or containers for holding your compost: you never actually get excited about any of them, you're just happy you found something that does the job and doesn't give off an abominable stink.  Still, I enjoyed the film.  I find my opinion evolving as I reflect on it as time goes by,  circling around three main points.

1) I am utterly content with Jared Leto's portrayal of the Joker.  I thought his performance was solid, appropriate for the film, and unique from the other versions in movies since 1980.  There's no resurrecting the Joker as played by Heath Ledger, and honestly it would be a bad idea to try.  I give full props for vision and follow-through.

Slick, shiny, and severely insane.  I am suitably disturbed.

2) I'm still making up my mind about their portrayal of all the villain protagonists as some variety of contemporary street thugs.  The contemporary part makes sense, but does it smack of ethnic stereotyping?

3) Much to my surprise, I'm also still mulling over how the relationship between the Joker and Harley Quinn was portrayed--something about it really stuck with me.  As far as comic book romances go, these two are pretty famous duo, and the subject of intense discussion.  I don't read the comics, but I know enough to understand I only know the tip of the iceberg.  There're probably multiple doctoral theses written on the subject.

And while one would think that they would be the textbook archetype for a dysfunctional relationship, there are a frightening large number of people who would beg the contrary.  I fear for my generation.

      The movie had several fails in my opinion.  Some editing choices were jarring, some dialogue was pretty weak, and a few characters flat-out unbelievable, even for a comic book villain.  But the biggest problem remains Batman.
      Dear DC Head Honchos: whoever decided you needed a Batman reboot so soon after "Dark Knight Rises" should be fired.  Every chef knows you don't follow your most superb gourmet entrée with a freaking Hostess Twinkie.  People need time to digest, refresh the palate, and grow an appetite for something different.  Duh.
      So after watching "Suicide Squad" my husband and I met up with some friends to address this problem.  After an evening of cocktails and junk food, we reached an important decision:
      Playing a good Batman comes down to three important things: being suave as Bruce Wayne, being brooding as Batman**, and having a chin that looks good in the bat suit.  Seriously.  I can't over-state the importance of the chin.

Christian Bale had it all: everyone wanted to date Bruce Wayne, everyone bought into Batman's dark neuroses, and for the love of Arkham, just LOOK AT THAT CHIN!!!

One would think that Ben Affleck has the chin to pull it off, but he doesn't.  Something about the cowl makes his jaw look chubby.  It drives me nuts.

Suave: check, as proven in Star Wars VII.  Brooding: check, as demonstrated in "Ex Machina."  And chin...my gods, people, just LOOK AT THAT CHIN!!!!

      But alas, I doubt anybody's going to replace Ben Affleck any time soon.  And I doubt that DC is going to stop this line of movies any time soon.  BUT...I learned my lesson with Star Wars Episodes One, Two, and Three: I will no longer be suckered into paying money at a theater for a movie I know is going to suck, just for the sake of a beloved franchise.  So unless "Wonder Woman" gets really great reviews, I've got better junk to fill this head.

*Post-Christian Bale

**Ooo, I should apply my Broodometer to Batman!!!

      You may have noticed that I don't do Facebook.
      In fact, outside of this blog and my plain email accounts, I don't do social media at all.  No Twitter, no Instagram, no nothing.  And holy $#!t, do I get some fascinating feedback on that decision.
      Most people who don't know me that well react with great surprise when I tell them I don't use Facebook.  Then I tend to get one of these follow ups:
      "You will.  Sooner or later, you'll get sucked in."
      "How do you keep in touch with people?"
      "You're so smart; I hate Facebook!  But I can't seem to function without it."
      "Why?"

       That last reaction is my favorite, but it's not easy to answer.  The fact is, there are a plethora of reasons I don't use social media - especially Facebook - and while none of them is huge, once they all come together they create a big, solid, undeniable heap.  If you're curious, I'll be happy to tell you some of them.

The cat does an intervention whenever I'm on the computer too much.  Note the subtle but unmistakable placement of the tail.  Hint, hint.

      But there is one more reason that I don't share very often, because I don't want to offend people: I'm pretty sure what we see on Facebook is about 90% fake.  It's the cyberspace equivalent of cleaning your entire house and putting out the good towels when you have company.  It's the same principle that spurs people to go on crazy diets and spend more money on hair and make-up right before their wedding.  It's the embodiment of our desire to look good in public.*
      I base this on two things: first, because this is what the vast majority of people tell me about their own Facebook use.  They confide in me that they feel pressure to have cool photos like so-and-so, or have awesome updates like that-guy.  Second, because I am a therapist.  I know - as well as any outsider can possibly know - the kinds of things that actually go on in people's lives, and in their minds.  And it is NOT all grinning Selfies.
      Which is why I love, love, LOVE this collaborative project between PostSecret and The Mighty.  Honest captions on Facebook photos.  What. A. Revelation.  Check out these examples:


      PLEASE, check this out.  Share this with others.  Be brave, and do it yourself.  If this was what social media could be - this tool for honestly, for being brave and encouraging others - then I would be behind it with zero hesitation.  But of course, it's just a tool.  It is what we make it.



*Don't misunderstand me, there is no judgement here.  Humans have an innate drive to be seen in a positive light by others--one could argue it's how civilization evolves, because we model and support positive behavior for one another.  But if I care enough about a person that I want to keep up with what's going on in their lives... then I want to know what's really going on in their lives.

      ...aaaaand I'm back!  No, for reals.  I'm really back this time.

      The move happened, and then it happened again as I went from temporary crash-pad to new studio apartment.  Then the spouse followed, flying the cat from Ohio to Washington, with a layover in Midway. Then where was the hustle and bustle of visits and furnishings and may I just say how awesome I am at assembling Ikea furniture?  But now it's all over, and I can breathe again, and be creative again.  Hurray!

The fuzzy heart flew under the seat in a carrier.  She was not pleased.

      Here's the updates in a nutshell:

Bad News #1 - the Shadows On the Sound podcast is no more.  :-(  It was tremendously fun, but proved too time-consuming and expensive for two struggling writers to maintain.  Camela and I may switch to the occasional vlog, but that's still to be determined.

Bad News #2 - the therapy firm where I work was hit by a computer virus called - and I am not making this up - the "CryptoLocker virus."  Which begs the question, who the heck names these things?  It sounds like something a 7th grade boy might come up with in his first attempt at writing a sci-fi story.

Billy's hands were so sweaty he could barely hold his LaserBlaster 5000. He followed his team through the enemy ship, trying to ignore the stickiness of alien blood and guts under his boots. When they finally reached the CryptoLocker on deck 72, he overcame the HyperGravity bolts on the door by setting a SuperNova SpaceBomb on the heavy metal doors. Shards of meteor titanium flew everywhere. When the spacedust finally settled, he heard Commander Ramsgroin swear in his native Plutonian. "They've used Ionian Sub-ice to cryogenically freeze the TimeSpace Ambassador at -42 degrees Kalvin! It'll take us two hours to safely thaw them! We'll have to hold the bastards off! At least half of us are going to die, men, but we'll take as many of them with us to hell as possible!"

Good News #1 - Tomorrow is National Strawberry Shortcake Day.  Dori Greenspan has the best shortcake recipe I've ever tasted, but try the biscuit from this recipe for an extra layer of flavor.  And for the love of Julia, go get your strawberries from the local farmer's market!

Good News #2 - Camela and I will be hosting my "Brainy Anime Babes Who Know More Science Than You" at Geek Girl Con this year!  If you are a geeky girl - or think geeky girls are awesome - or if you're just awesome - or if you're just a geek - then mark your calendar and come join us!  Major kudos to Camela who took the time and effort to get our submissions in and organize all of this. We can hardly wait to indulge in a full weekend of geeking out with the best in the Pacific Northwest!

Not this year's poster, but I love it soooo much!

      Just in case you haven't heard about this yet, I wanted to share teh awesome.  Apparently, at a historical reenactment a few days ago in Russia (read: Ren Faire), some guy brought his drone to take some cool aerial footage.  He didn't seem to grasp the fact that this was a historical reenactment. People take this stuff very seriously, they go all out finding materials and tools for historically accurate costumes and props. So no surprise, people were pretty bent out of shape about the drone.
      So much so, one warrior decked out in full costume with shield and helmet chucked his spear at the thing.  And hit it.  And down, down, down it went.

      I want to buy that man a flagon of mead.
      Or whatever they drank in medieval Russia. I'm sure it'll put hair on my chest.
      In other news, tomorrow is National Buttermilk Biscuit Day here in the good ol' US of A. You can use my recipe if you want. Otherwise, I recommend Alton Brown's.  Just remember to serve them fresh and warm, with plenty of butter, honey, and/or gravy!

      I'm not dead or comatose, I'm just not thinking of anything interesting to write.

A death ray would be an interesting excuse for not blogging, but I'm afraid I'm not that cool. Yet.

      Actually, I think I'm not thinking of anything interesting to write because I'm not allowing myself the time to think of anything interesting to write.  I've been in a situation of almost constant social obligation for the last three weeks, which means my brain hasn't had the down time that lends itself to story arcs, character development, and the glorious free association that turns into tales.  Why almost constant social obligation?  Because I'm living with family - who I love and enjoy spending time with - for a couple months until my apartment is available to move-in. Makes for great conversation, and really, really terrible creative production.
      All of a sudden, I'm feeling a very strong desire to read Virginia Woolf's "A Room of One's Own."
      Anyways, here's a video that shows the new polar bear cub at the Columbus Zoo during it's first three months of life.  More importantly, it shows small glimpses of the veterinarian who gets to feed, pet, and play with this polar bear cub, who - and I am not exaggerating in the least when I say this - is literally the luckiest human being alive on the planet.
      Also, if you missed it, yesterday was National Eggs Benedict Day. Mark your calendar for next year.

      April 1st is National Soylent Green Day!
      I cracked up when I read that listed on one of my Food Holiday websites the other day.  But when I told some of my co-workers, they looked at me with blank expressions.  And of course since I had to explain it, it wasn't funny at all, and if anything they thought I was even more weird.

The movie is supposed to take place in 2022.  Go ahead and give it a viewing--the parts they got right will get you thinking.

         
 
      Why would I know about a mediocre Charlton Heston sci-fi film from 1973?  Because that's the sort of crowd in which I move: the nerdy kind. The same people who know the origin of "All your base are belong to us," and can sing all the lyrics to one or more of the songs from "Labyrinth."*  The social reinforcement for this kind of behavior has been frequent and life-long.  I was making a presentation to some high school students the other day, and at the end I asked if anybody had any questions.  One kid raised his hand and asked, "What's the answer to life, the universe, and everything?"
     "Forty-two," I replied without missing a beat.  About 85% of the kids looked confused.  To the 15% who looked impressed, I added, "Don't question my Geek Cred."
      But today, as I pointedly avoid eating anything evenly vaguely green or cracker-ish, I find myself wondering what exactly that means.  Geek cred.  What does qualify one as true geek?  We used to be easy to identify: back in the 80's most people thought video games were stupid, and any affection for fantasy fiction labeled one a social pariah.  Today, people can barely to keep from trampling one another to purchase the latest gaming console.  And it's hard to find people who don't watch "Star Wars."  Slowly, as interest and artistry has refined the industries, the audience has grown.
       In today's conversations, the words "geek" and "nerd" get thrown about without any negativity.  You hear people say things like, "I'm a fashion nerd," or "I'm really into music geeks."  To those who associate the central nouns with being stuffed into lockers, the addition of such mundane specifiers is dumbfounding.  Of course, the bullying has gone down, so most of us aren't complaining.  But it does beg a re-examination of the identity claim.
      It seems to me that an accurate contemporary use the words refers to an individual's intensity of interest in a topic, coupled with a fearlessness in it's demonstration.  For example: it's one thing for an NFL player in designer threads to be in a chic club talking about the upcoming season of "Game of Thrones."  It's another for an ordinary, middle-aged guy to be at the same location wearing a T-shirt with an 80's-like design of a big dragon.

When I see somebody wearing a shirt like this, I want to invite them to my D&D game.

      And that is what I really love: the fearlessness.  Whether it's old movies or anime, music or computer programming, people who take such joy that they don't care what people think, they want to share what they know with the world.  Those are the kind of people I'm drawn to--and if they are willing to hang out and watch "The Dark Crystal," all the better.

P.S. - if my husband is reading this, you can totally get me this T-shirt for my birthday.  Totally.

*Whether they can sing it in key is another matter entirely.

      People think they select what they're going to read based on their mood.  "I'm in the mood for a mystery," they say, or "I feel like a good historical thriller."  I'm not sure how many people actually stop to ask themselves why they're in the mood for this or that.  Of course, with my psychology background, I'm nearly always curious why people think or feel the way they do, and usually that includes myself.



     "I feel like reading a non-fiction political exposé," I might say.  Then I would follow up with, "Why in the heck do I feel like reading that, instead of checking out that supernatural thriller novel that's been recommended to me by fifteen people that I trust?"

      The answer, I find, usually lies in what's going on in my life at the moment.  If circumstances are limiting my time with my spouse, I lean towards tales with romantic suspense.  If I'm dealing with life problems out of my control, I want an adventure where heroes face and conquer horrible odds.  When I feel stifled by people forcing their stupidity on me, I want characters full of wry wit and artful schemes.  You get the idea.
      I figured this out about myself pretty young.  The interesting thing is that sometimes I'm not 100% in touch with my feelings.  But I'm nearly always 100% in touch with what I want to read.  Then I can ask myself, "Why am I feeling this intense drive to re-read Harry Potter V again?  Oh yeah...because I'm feeling appalling frustrated waiting for things to happen, and the only person who could understand how I feel is lying behind a dehydrated hydrangea bush, trying to listen to the bloody Muggle news!!!"**

Now that's frustration.

     Many of you probably have a similar insight into your own links between emotional state and reading preference (or TV, or movies, or - maybe the most pronounced medium for emotional channeling - music).  And if you're a writer, you may have noticed this link goes a little deeper when it effects your creative output.  I'm not just talking about the obvious I'm mad at my boss, so I'm going to write a story where my heroine gets promoted above her boss and kicks his stupid butt on the street.  I'm talking about more subtle reflections.
      I've heard some writer's say they're more productive when they're happy, and I've heard others say that they're more productive when they're experiencing some kind of distress.  The idea of the "tortured artist" is obviously very popular, but I think that's only because happy artists are less interesting to learn about (for example, most people know that Jane Austen died young and single--but you don't hear much about her relatively comfortable and happy family life up to that point).  But I've come to the conclusion that I can be productive no matter how I'm feeling, as long as I'm willing to work on the story or scene that best matches my mood.  If I can figure that out, the ideas will come, and the words will follow.  Unfortunately, this doesn't work so well when applying the discipline to complete a single work...but ah, well...such is the burden of a tortured artist such as myself!

Do NOT use these in lieu of adjectives in your novels.

*Yes, I am fully aware that the title of this post is grammatically incorrect.

**Ok, that's an exaggeration.  But only a mild one.

      And now Alan Rickman.  So far, 2016 has not been kind to brilliant British artists age 69.
      I've been a huge fan of Alan Rickman ever since "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves," where he played a frankly perfect Hollywood villain.  I keep hearing on the news that he was "best known for his role as Professor Severus Snape in the 'Harry Potter' film series," or that his best role was in 'Truly, Madly, Deeply.'  However, my all-time favorite role for Rickman was undoubtedly The Metatron from the Kevin Smith film, "Dogma."

"You people. If it's not in a Charlton Heston movie, it's not worth knowing."

      As far as I know, there are two more movies coming out that claimed Alan Rickman among their cast members. "Alice In Wonderland: Through the Looking Glass," and "Eye in the Sky."  I was undecided whether to see either of those films in the theater, but since it will be my last chance to hear that man's brilliant, languid tone in perfect surround sound, I think I need to.

      Ohayocon starts today!  I'm so stoked I don't know what to say.  Except there is no way I'm missing the "Hearts As Strong As Ponies" panel--talk about the perfect opportunity for hard, fast Con immersion!

      As I've been fine-tuning my presentation materials for Ohayocon, I've been thinking a lot about telling stories with pictures.  All kinds of pictures: storybook illustrations, comic books, real-life images on a screen, drawn/painted/computer generated animation, etc.  In this age of film, television, and internet, a significant portion of the human race gets it's stories - fictional and factual - with visual accompaniment.  As a story-teller, that brings up a lot of questions.
      Using images to tell stories is far from new.  The first tales were all word of mouth, of course--but surely even the earliest storytellers understood the value of dramatic body language.  And of course we know that the human race was illustrating cavern walls over 35,000 years ago.

From the Caves of Altamira in Spain.  When you consider that this pre-dates Sumerian logo-graphics by over 32,000 years, it brings new meaning to the phrase "the writing's on the wall," doesn't it?

      I'm not sure who first proffered the famous quote, "A picture is worth a thousand words," but if the human race's obsession with art is any indication, they were spot on.  Even after the invention of the printing press, pamphlets and books were still adorned with original artworks, and some of the engraving plates used for mass production were considered highly, highly valuable.  Illustrated books continue to be prized today, whether it's mass manga consumption in Japan or Caldecott Medal-winning children's books.
      But no matter how refined our still art, as a species we've been fascinated by creating movement from static figures. We used puppets, shadow lanterns, flip-books, and even ancient pottery to depict beings in motion.  J. Stuart Blackton created the first fully animated film in 1906*, he hit on an art form human beings had been dreaming of for literally thousands of years.  Go ahead, give it a watch--it's pretty funny!
      Today, animated film and television is a multi-billion dollar industry.  The work ranges from highly stylized children's cartoons to CGI so detailed it can blend in perfectly with live action.  Which means we've reached the point where any discerning storyteller needs to seriously ask the question: what's the best medium for my tale?
      For a few hundred years we've had the option of written novel versus theatrical script.  We also had to ask whether or not to include illustrations.  Then: how much illustration?  Should it be an occasional picture?  Or should the art be the dominant feature, with the words filling in the gaps?  It's amazing how much information can be conveyed in a wisp of a character's hair, or how the shadows fall.  But if you're going to draw it all out, why not take the next step, and pursue animation?  Not only can you demonstrate the evolution of a facial expression, but you can even employ the artistry of camera angles and other director's tools.  And if you decide to go that route, what kind of animation do you choose?
      For me, it's all about what feels like the best way to tell the tale.**  Thus far I've been pretty married to the regular novel format.  But I admit, one of my stories - the gold rush-era zombie novel - seems like it might be better suited as an illustrated novel.  A lot of writers will tell you that when they're thinking up a story it's like watching a movie in their head.  This is true for me, also (some of the best movies ever are the ones that happen in our own heads!), but this one...I oftentimes see it in dramatic, beautifully illustrated still-shots.
      So what is your preferred format for enjoying stories?  For telling stories?  And have you ever seen/read one where you thought, "That would be so much better as a [different media format]?"




*I know, I thought it was Walt Disney, too.  It turns out Walt created the first full length animated feature, which was "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves," and before that the first animated film with a fully produced soundtrack, which was "Steamboat Willy."

**Yes, for me...who has never published anything, and therefore never had the opportunity to employ any of these techniques.  These pointless musings are how my delusional ego sings itself to sleep at night.

      A couple weeks ago I mentioned picking up the latest book by New York Times Bestselling Author, Ernest Cline.  His first novel - Ready Player One - was a geek girls dream, a fabulous mix of science fiction, coming-of-age drama, and nerd nostalgia.  I was deeply impressed, so of course I pre-ordered his second novel, Armada, and of course I didn't pass up an opportunity to have him sign it in person!

      I made a point of finishing the book before Cline was scheduled to appear at The Book Loft last night.  I have some thoughts about the novel, but I'll get to that later--for now let me gush about how cool it was to meet the author!  Having once lived in Columbus himself, Cline was an enthusiastic guest, and he spoke for about forty minutes before heading inside to sign books.  He primarily talked about his journey in becoming a writer, which I was eager to hear for several reasons.

This is a man who speaks with plentiful gesticulation and a very expressive face--the BEST kind of speaker!

      The main reason?  If you're serious about becoming a published novelist, you've doubtlessly heard that you should start with short stories.  Enter this competition, try for that magazine, etc. etc.  I have some doubts about the veracity of this advice in our present technological society (when was the last time you read a short story for pleasure, let alone one in a magazine?), but it's still a mainstay of professional advice.  Enter Ernest Cline, a man who - as far as I know - has NEVER published a short story in his life.  I don't know if he's ever even written one.  But his first ever novel had almost every major publishing company in a F@$#!%& bidding war over the manuscript.*
      What he HAS done is written and helped direct his own movie: FanBoys.  It's got mixed reviews, but is widely considered a cult classic.  And - as I found out from Ernest Cline's talk - there were hundreds of thousands of fans who created an onslaught of angry emails when one of the directors tried to change the plot.  Talk about a ready-made fan base!  No wonder publishers were willing to take a "risk" on a new author.
      His first book was a crazy-awesome best seller, and deserved to be.  His second novel...hm.  Here's my opinion in a nutshell: it was an intriguing story, with some great characters, and hit a lot of those same nerdy nostalgia notes.  Armada is a more grown-up story than Ready Player One, however, and Cline's writing style didn't adjust the way it should have.  Honestly, it reads hasty in some places, and sloppy in others--like he was under a deadline.**  I think Cline has a lot of talent with language - he's an award winning Slam poet - and he owes it to himself to push his craft.  If you want to read my full review, you can do so here, but let's get back to the awesomeness.

Me working up the courage to ask him to also sign an ancient Sega Genesis game cartridge.  He did.  It's going to be framed in a shadow box and hung over the TV.

      Ernest Cline answered a few questions after he concluded his talk.  A couple were geeky, and a couple were about writing. Here's what I remember (paraphrased, obviously).

SOME GUY IN A YELLOW SHIRT: Would you ever consider writing a novel that isn't about pop culture?

CLINE: Why would I do that?  What else am I going to do--write about unpopular culture?  Some people do that, and they craft some amazing novels.  But that's not for me.  A lot of writers worry about dating themselves by referencing songs or films, but those kinds of things draw me in as a reader.

ME: I also have a writing question.  I'm curious as to why you chose to write both novels in the first person?***

CLINE: I like to really get into my protagonist's head.  My plots can get pretty complex and expansive.  It helps me track the storyline if I can follow it from one character's point of view.  It's also how I'm most comfortable writing.

SOME CHICK ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COURTYARD: My perfect breakfast would be (she listed three names of famous people I couldn't quite catch), and you!  Who would be at your perfect breakfast?

CLINE: Oh, mine already happened!  I got to have breakfast with George R. R. Martin at his house!

      He then went on to tell this awesome story about meeting Martin at a con, Martin seriously digging Cline's DeLorean, and then borrowing the car at a later date for an event.  This was followed by breakfast at his house.  Being me, I tried to ask Cline on his way into the bookstore for signing what they had for breakfast.

I think he answered, "Wheaties"--but I couldn't swear to it.

      As you can easily guess, I now have this crazy daydream where I get to make a decent breakfast for Ernest Cline and George R. R. Martin.  Dude, I can do waaaaay better than "Wheaties."




*That was on day one.  On day two, most of the major movie studios were in a bidding war over the film rights.

**I came across this sentence about 3/4's through: "The metal ladder descended and hit the floor with a metallic clang."  Really?  Metal has a metallic clang to it?  How the hell did that get past the editors?!

***I think the first person was perfect for Ready Player One.  I think it was a mistake in Armada.  Most writers I know start out using first person because we do imagine our stories from the perspective of the main character, but then most of switch back to third person because it allows us to expand story from multiple characters.  Sometimes first person is perfect (Gone Girl being a fabulous recent example) and sometimes third person is perfect (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe being a timeless example).  You just gotta know which is right.

      On Tuesday, I went to my favorite area bookstore and picked up a couple hardcovers, as follows:

A seriously awesome haul