We Interrupt Today's Recipe to Bring You: Zurin.

      I really do have a breakfast recipe for you, a low-gluten Kabocha cake made in the Japanese style.  But this morning I woke from a very, very vivid dream of being given a tour of a faerie city.  A tour by train, carriage, and canal boat, no less--I was never permitted to actually set foot in the city.  But I remember the layout, and most of what I was told on the tour, and spent the morning furiously typing it up so I wouldn't forget.
      It was called Zurin, although that's a phonetic spelling--I sort of remember it being written like Zeurin, except the e and the u were joined, like œ is a joined a and e.  But I don't think that actually happens in American english.  Only in faerie english, I guess.
      Anyway, I wanted to share my write-up with you.  It's raw and unpolished, for which I apologize, but it you could hack into my brain and see the beautiful images that linger there, you'd understand why I had to commit what little I could to paper.  Later if I have time, I'll sketch out a rough map, and add that to this post.


Zurin: a faerie city between the lake and the sea.

To the far west, the ancient citadel stands on the high, rocky hill that caps the thinnest strip of land between the two waters. “The Castle on the Hill” is now a university.

Sweeping down the hill to the east is “The Park,” the wood that used to serve as the castle groves for hunts and picnics. It has grown handsome, but feral—like an F1 Bengal cat. Although lovely and filled with delights, many consider it dangerous, and few would walk through alone, even in broad daylight.

The north edge of the Park plunges off as rocky cliffs to the sea. The top of this is fenced with an old, crumbling wall, dotted with promontories. Although technically a part of the university, it is utterly unused. It is claimed to be haunted.

Where the Park meets the lower, broader strip of land is "Gray Market"—sometimes referred to as Gay Market, because it is in fact a merry, quaint old part of town. Cozy buildings of brick and wood line cobblestone lanes. Houses and shops hide vegetable gardens or chicken coops behind them. There are, in fact, a number of market squares in Gray Market, and delicious smells and plain, quality goods are always in good supply. On the rocky shores below the Haunted Wall is the merry, bustling fish market. There are docks on both the sea- and the lake-side of Gray Market, where stout wooden ships are built, and carry their passengers with the same steadfast loyalty as the hands that built them. Most of the denizens here are gnomes, pulling their pigs and baking their loaves in the same tradition as their great-great-great-great grandfathers.

A river branches between the lake and the sea, separating Gray Market from the rest of the city. The locks sit close to the lake, overseen by gardens and café’s on either side. There are three major bridges for commerce across the river, and anywhere from three to six footbridges, depending on who you ask. These cross tiny, privately owned islands in the river, which hold pubs, a distillery, a fine restaurant, a cemetery, and an elegant public garden. Branching away to the east of the river are a number of channels, which turn into canals for the uptown section of Zurin: the "Pumpkin Carnival."

You know you are reaching Pumpkin Carnival proper when you begin to see ghostly images of giant grinning jack-o-lanterns on the creamy ceramic walls of the wide canals. Then you pass through the most elaborate of black, wrought-iron gates, and find yourself in a neighborhood somewhere between 1880’s Galveston and Dr. Seuss. The elegant and sophisticated buildings are painted in bright jewel tones with glowing white and creamy gold trim. One of these is the Silver Bell Hotel, a grape purple building with pearl-white trim, built up and around an enormous silver bell, easily large enough to encase a full size house. The bell never rings, but it is said that if it did, it would not be heard inside the hotel itself, for so carefully was it built for privacy and quiet. Pumpkin Carnival gets its name from the jack-o-lantern-headed Goblins that supposedly live below, in the dank caverns of empty pipes. So long as they are treated with thanks and respect, they keep Pumpkin Carnival wealthy and safe. They are revered as the gracious patrons of this neighborhood, and woe betide any who speak ill of them.

East of Pumpkin Carnival the canals meet in a handsome moat, and drain away back into the lake. The stretch of land beyond this moat is "Marsh Town." True to its name, it is damp, and overgrown with reeds and moss-draped trees. There are low wooden houses here, where lanterns are always lit to counteract the odd, perpetual gloom. It is said this part of the city was born to house the servants that work in Pumpkin Carnival by day. It is a place full of secrets, but contented to be so. While guests received a laid-back but friendly welcome, they receive a farewell in the same manner—for very, very few people decide to stay. Those who belong there, belong. And those who do not, only visit.

North of Pumpkin Carnival, also touching the river, is the most modern part of Zurin, known alternately as "The Smithies" (the old name) and "The Towers" (the new name). To see it from the lake you would think you were looking at the most contemporary of American cities. Here is where Dwarves have advanced their skills to create skyscrapers and electric cars. The most fascinating toys and technical wonders are designed and manufactured in this state-of-the-art clump of city blocks. Every idea is given a place to be displayed. Rooms are separated by curtains of water. Furniture folds into artwork that in turn graces the walls. Roads move and expand to accommodate extra traffic. And the hospital there houses devices unknown in the rest of the world.

East of The Smithies/The Towers and still north of Pumpkin Carnival is a hilly wedge of a neighborhood known as the "Justice Quarter." Although cramped, it is nevertheless a handsome part of town, primarily built of white marble and granite in the style of courthouses and temples. Here are the academies of Lost Law and the Unspoken Histories, with their accompanying museums. Here also are the banks, courthouses, capitol building, and mayor’s offices.  It is a fine place to acquaint oneself with the finer points of law. It is an even finer place to waste time in debate or discussion on almost any topic, as you are sure to find several people who will take that topic extremely seriously, and have nothing but sober-faced joy in talking it to death.


The city ends to the east of the Justice Quarter, and a single paved road winds away into the wind-swept hills. The land meets the ocean with a long stretch of soft beaches, appropriately known as the "Sandy Leagues." The odd farm or fish house dots the Sandy Leagues, and the pace of life here is slower. Slower, to the point of lulling; it is rumored that many people go there on holiday, or to take a day of rest after hard hours at work, only to lose track of time and not return for weeks, months, or even years. For this reason, despite its lovely appearance and open landscaping, no proper map has ever been made of the Sandy Leagues, and what lies beyond them is unknown.

Pinch Me

      You know those expressions?  The phrases we see and hear so often, we don't even recognize them as cliché's?  I'm mainly referring to the ones that express strong emotion, like, "Took my breath away," or "broke my heart."  They're turns of phrase unique to a culture and language, and those who live within that culture and use that language are exposed - I dare say, inundated - from an early age.  The result?  We don't even hear them anymore, our ears/eyes skim over them and we instantly know what they mean, as though they were a well-known word.

Yes, these!
       Some writers believing in avoiding these like the plague. Myself, I think they're Ok used sparingly, because - as I stated above - our brains tend to treat them like well-known words, and words are a writer's #1 tool (obviously).  But most of the time I try to mix them up.  For example, instead of saying, "she was struck dumb with shock," I might say, "all ability for language faded from her mind, and her tongue lay useless in her astonishment."*  This lends a freshness to the story.  It also makes it harder for the reader to skim, forcing him/her to stay engaged in more of the words.
      In order to do this well, I try to really, really think about these phrases.  What do they mean symbolically?  What do they mean literally?  And if I were to feel that way, how exactly would that feel?  "Broken heart" is a perfect example.  At it's most simplistic, it means "very sad."  Or, more precisely, "very sad for unfortunate reasons related to love/romance."  This phrase is so well known it can be depicted as an image (used in cartoons and illustrations long before emojis existed) and millions of people instantly comprehend.
What a novel might look like if it was nothing BUT clichéd expressions.
      But one day in my young adulthood, I was rejected - in an honest but rather un-empathetic fashion - by the person I loved.  And since he was the embodiment of my life-long fantasy ideal in nearly every respect**, this was a particularly harsh blow.  I was hurt in every possible emotional sense of that word.  And, what was more, I experienced a strange combination of feeling and thought: it seemed that my capacity for recognizing, feeling, and emoting love had become defective.  I even had the physical sensation that my aorta was (in a non-fatal way) malfunctioning.  In other words, it felt like my heart had broken.  
      I was deeply struck by my new understanding of this commonplace phrase.  And the memory stuck with me, long after I got over the guy.  Although I've always valued emotions, this experience taught me that they can and will change shape, and I should never take for granted that I understand what these phrases mean just because I've experienced the emotion they depict.
      Since that time, life experiences have taught me a deeper comprehension of some other emotional descriptors:

 - Cast adrift

 - Enchanted

 - Felt like a dream/afraid I would wake up

 - Drowning in sorrow

 - Intoxicated with happiness

      Now, when I read these phrases, my mind no longer skims over them as clichés.  Rather, they ring a deep and powerful truth within me, summoning a strong empathy that draws me closer to the characters.  I still use  them sparingly as a writer.  But I'll never think of them the same way.  Has that ever happened to you?  Do you have "clichés" that are, for you, powerful and honest depictions?



*I might.  I'm pretty sure I've never actually used that in a story, and I'm not actually sure I like it, but it's an adequate example.

**The two respects in which he did not embody my ideal were: A) that he did not see me as the embodiment of his ideal, and B) he was shorter than me.  The latter honestly didn't bother me at all, but it bothered him so much that, well, see point A.

Vampires vs. Werewolves: Monster Mash-up!

      During my panel at Ohayocon, an audience member asked a really great question: when, precisely, did the vampires/lycanthrope eternal grudge match originate?  It made me sit up and blink.  Oh yeah, when did that start?  Because it's so common nowadays, it feels like it's as old as ghost stories themselves.
      I did a little digging.  According to Wikipedia, in Greece an improperly killed werewolf could return from the grave as a vampire.  And in Serbia, the word vulkodlac refers to vampires and werewolves alike.  So...family in-fighting?  I turned this over to  my friend and podcast co-host Camela Thompson.  She one of those great paranormal novelists who does a ton of research, to make her fiction sound as convincing as possible.  Despite a crazy schedule, she put in the time and effort compose this guest post on the topic.  Enjoy!

http://moviepilot.com/posts/2744226

Vampires and werewolves have so many elements that add up to the ideal dynamic for epic face off material. Vampires shun sunlight. Werewolves are cursed to follow the lunar cycle. Vampires are dead. Werewolves are very much alive and prone to following impulse. Both are supernaturally strong, immortal, and crave the blood and/or flesh of humans.* It’s an epic battle that has spanned all of mythology!

Or has it?

First let’s look at the origin of each of these creatures. Before the concept of antibiotics was the sparkle in some smart, old dude’s eye, humans understood that excessive blood loss led to death. It doesn’t take a solid understanding of biology to know that leaking *anything* is bad news. Creation stories in early civilizations were heavily interlaced with cautionary tales and a healthy dose of stuff that scares the crap out of us (like bleeding to death). It shouldn’t be a surprise that many cultures had creatures who thrived on blood. While we could look to the bloodthirsty gods of the Aztecs, Persian blood-drinking demons, and Empusa of Ancient Greece; the precursor to the modern vampire (greatly popularized by Bram Stoker’s posthumous success) hailed from Eastern Europe.
I didn't know what an Empusa was, either.  Apparently, this is what they look like. -Z.D.

The rise in vampire popularity in Slavic Europe in the 1600s (not so coincidentally during outbreaks of ‘consumption’) came at a time when Christianity was still heavily tinged by mysticism. People born with a caul, red hair, a wayward eye, or anything else “unlucky” were considered to be touched by witchcraft and prone to turning into a vampire after death. There were even cases of vampirism documented by the Catholic church (like Jure Grando) and graves have been uncovered with spikes driven through the poor person’s chest to guarantee that they never rose again. If proper precautions were not taken, the dead would rise and torment the living, particularly the people they loved during life.

It’s important to note that the focus was on the danger presented to people. It’s also very important to note that the dividing line in Slavic Europe between vampire and werewolf were blurred. In fact, some lore allowed vampires to turn into any creature of the night, wolf included. This was also reflected in Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Once the Demeter crashed against the north England shore, a wolf ran ashore (later the Count turned into rats, mist, bats, and spiders).

Let’s move on to the werewolf! Stories of men shifting into animal form and sentient wolves also exist on nearly every continent. Examples include the Inuit Amarok, Navajo skinwalkers (yee naaldlooshii), Norse úlfheðnar, and Turkish Kurtadam among many, many others. In many cases, warriors adopted the wolf as a totem creature because of their cunning and endurance. Shamans also valued the wolf’s intelligence and loyalty. In the Middle Ages, Christianity and tradition became muddled and the devil’s curse of lycanthropy was born. Whereas vampirism seems to have taken root in Eastern Europe, written works featuring werewolves seen as early as 1200 appear to have root in Germanic pagan traditions.
"Bisclavet" is an epic poem written in 12th century France, telling the story of a baron cursed with lycanthropy. His wife double-crosses him and his beloved king almost kills him during a hunt.  It's got a happy ending, though.  -Z.D.
While I’ve found plenty of examples of werewolves and vampires both being feared in the 1800s, I can’t find any evidence of a war between the two creatures spanning the ages. The only reference I could find was a Romani story of werewolves guarding against vampires. It should be noted this source was a website with questionable grammar and a penchant for cheesy stock photos. The source used the term “vargulf,” a Norse word for a mad wolf who injures prey without consuming the animal. This makes me think that the person who wrote the piece watched a little too much Hemlock Grove (which has one of the most gruesome and therefore interesting werewolf transformation scenes in season one--I’m still getting over the disappointment of season two).

While I have read a LOT of work on vampires and researched what I could, I don’t consider myself an expert. That said, I believe the origin of the epic monster mash is a result of comic books, commercial fiction, and an evolution of movies beginning with Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man, which was supposed to be followed by The Wolfman vs. Dracula (sadly they did not go forward with the picture due to a number of conflicts). While the matchup is getting tired, I enjoy it, especially if the author/writers can come up with a new twist.

Now if anyone is interested in talking about WHY we’re so interested in the conflict and who would win, I’m in.

Do you have a favorite? Which creature do you think is more interesting? Do you think the matchup is overdone?

*There are plenty of exceptions to the “rules” I’ve outlined for werewolves and vampires - which is what makes them so fun to write! It’s fiction, so just about anything goes. Even sparkles. No, really.

Oh, Hey, A Con!

      I had soooo much fun at Ohayocon 2016!!!!  There is no happiness like the glee of being a nerd in a sea of nerds doing nerdy things in all of our nerdy gloriousness!

A crowd shot while waiting for the Cosplay Expo to begin.  Just seeing so many people in costume makes me smile!
      I literally enjoyed every minute of the three days I attended.*  Merch was purchased, including a cool jacket for the spouse and some gifts for friends from Artist Alley.  I nearly split my sides laughing at some of the videos, and I attended some very interesting panels.  My favorite may have been the last one we attended, "How (Not) To Conquer The World, 80's Villain Style"--it was the perfect goofy note to end the Con.
      But the highlight for me was presenting my first ever Con panel, "From Jiangshi to Alucard: Vampires East & West!"  I had so much fun sharing all the information I'd researched, and my audience was awesome.  They asked great questions, offered fascinating insight, and cracked me up with some of their comments!  I have to offer a major thank-you to all for giving me a serious presenter's high.
My husband took this shot of people lining up for my panel before it started.  I was standing right behind him, compulsively eating Pocky out of nerves.  Well, nerves and the fact that Pocky are addictively tasty.
   The audience also challenged me with some interesting questions I couldn't answer on the spot--I guess no matter how much vampire anime I watched, it wasn't enough!  (Yeay!)  But I promised to follow up and I am nothing if not a geek of my word.  Two of the things I promised to look up:

1) When did the famous vampyre vs. lycanthrope grudge match begin?  Is it purely a fictional tool developed by writers in the last century, or does it have roots in older vampire lore?
      I forwarded this question to my good friend and podcast co-host, Camela Thompson.  Since she writes paranormal thrillers, she's very familiar with the vampire/werewolf tensions, and she agreed to look into it further.  She'll share her findings in a guest post on my blog in a week or so.

2) What's with the connection between rabbits and vampires in Japan?
      I'll confess, this question threw me.  In my 60+ hours of vampire anime/mange consumption in the last few months I can't say I came across a single rabbit reference.  Which makes me wonder if I wasted my time watching and reading all the wrong stuff.  After the panel an audience member came up and suggested it may have to do with a Chinese legend about the rabbit stirring the cauldron in the moon.  I'm going to dig a little deeper, and I should have a full answer on my blog by the end of the month.
Do I look like I know what I'm talking about?  Great!
      I also did a panel with my friend Carly on Sunday morning, called "Brainy Anime Babes Who Know More Science Than You!"  It was - as expected first thing on Sunday morning - minimally attended, but the awesome people who did attend were fabulous!  They had ton of fascinating science info and anime trivia to contribute.  And one guy gave me caffeinated chocolate--thank you, unknown distributor of stimulants!**
Me without my glasses, semi-cosplaying Kurisu Makise from "Steins;Gate."  And Carly, awesomely crossplaying Dr. Horrible.  And yes, she is the Carly Taylor who won the Journeyman Level Cosplay Expo with her Suzino outfit!
      Over-all, it was the perfect beginning to 2016.  So here's a big wave to everyone I met, and a thank you to everyone who attended my panels!  I hope we meet again, and in the meantime: may your online anime never fail to stream!  Next on my list to watch: "Tokyo Ghoul."  It should tide me over until "Attack on Titan" finally resumes!
     Oh, and I am always open to suggestions!



*With the possible exception of my multiple trips waiting for the Room of Holding to open.  The fact that it was never available when we needed it inspired Carly to re-name it the Room of Requirement.  It was probably closed so often because staff were trying to empty out the alarming number of chamberpots.

**I just realized I literally took candy from a stranger.  It seems I retain zero of the life-lessons drilled into me during childhood.  Was Pedobear at the Con?  Apparently I should have gone up and hugged him.  Next time, I guess.

The Vampire Broodometer Revisited

     I made up my mind to do a panel for Ohayocon 2016 about three days after Ohayocon 2015 came to an end.  But it wasn't until Camela and I started getting ramped up for our podcast that I hit on a topic: vampires.  It was perfect.  They're a fiction staple that never seems to lose momentum in either the U.S., or Japan.  There are tons of TV shows, movies, and (best of all) anime featuring vampires, ranging from the spell-binding to the flat-out horrible.  And best of all, I am perfectly content watching all of the above.

      Or so I thought.  As time went on, the number of emotionally tortured protagonists taxed even my melodramatic sensibilities.  I found myself pondering deep philosophical questions, such as: "Who broods harder? 'Bill' from season 3 of True Blood, or 'Angelus' from season 2 of Angel?"  It's a question that demands an answer, but all I had to go on was late-night conversations with girlfriends over too much riesling.  I needed hard data!  So I decided to put my 7+ years of psychology education to good use, and I created:

The Undead Depressive Preoccupation Inventory

      Or, you can just call it the Vampire Broodometer for shorthand.  I developed this tool based on some basic principals, starting with these dictionary definitions of the adjective "brooding:" showing deep unhappiness of thoughtl preoccupied with depressing, morbid, or painful memories or thoughts.  So that becomes my primary characteristic; if a vampire doesn't fit this basic dictionary definition, there's no point in applying the UDPI.  If he* does, however, then the following pseudo-psychological assessment becomes a useful tool for easy comparisons between moody, undead bloodsuckers.

      A completed UDPI score appears as a string of letters and numbers in three sections, separated by slashes.  For example: 2005/SGAP/4.  That may look complicated at first, but it's actually pretty straightforward.  Let me break it down for you:

SECTION ONE: ASSESSMENT CHRONOLOGY
      The first part of the code is the year the measurement was taken.  Vampires live a long time, after all, and their psychological states are changeable.  So our example score of 2005/SGAP/4 indicates that the assessment of the vampire's broodiness was taken in the year 2005.
Angelus from the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel" TV series is a perfect example of how a vampire's level and expression of broodiness can change over time.


SECTION TWO: DEPRESSIVE TRAIT SCALE
      The second section of the score is a series of four letters.  I based this section of the assessment off the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or MBTI.  Before your eyes glaze over, let me point that you've probably taken at least part of this personality "test" before, because they're a popular tool for career assessment in high school.  It assesses four key personality traits, namely: Extroversion/Introversion. Sensing/Intuition, Thinking/Feeling, and Judging/Perceiving.  The results are coded in four letters, such as: ENFJ.  Sound familiar? 
      Ok, except our UDPI assessed four key Broodiness factors: 
      Sad/Mad - Whether the vampire's emotional baseline is primarily melancholy or angry.
      Isolated/Grouped - Does the vampire typically live alone, or with others?
      Obsessive/Avoidant - Vampire brooding tends to fixate on an individual, either living or dead (or undead).  This section of the assessment measures whether the vampire hangs around things that remind him of the individual, or prefers to distance himself.
      Pacifist/Violent - A brooding vampire is usually either penitent or vengeful.  Or both.  This may express itself in self-denial and pacifism, or through aggressive acts in the name of justice.  Or both.  But the primary state at the time of the assessment is to be recorded in the score.

      These traits are assessed through questions, with five questions per section.  As you go through, circle the answer you believe is the best fit (go with your gut if you're on the fence).  Then tally your answers.  The letter selected most often within the section indicates your final answer.
      Go ahead, pick a vampire and give it a try!

Sad/Mad - To determine the vampire's emotional baseline as melancholy or angry.
1. When the vampire develops romantic attraction to someone, is he more likely to express this through:
    S: Stalking and cryptic messages, or
    M: killing the enemies of said love interest?

2. When the vampire is rejected by a love interest, is he more likely to respond by:
    S: isolating himself somewhere dramatic, or
    M: going out and committing acts of violence?

3. During free time, is the vampire in question more likely to:
    S: read books, or
    M: hunt or train for combat?

4. When the vampire is drinking blood directly from a human, is his facial expression more likely to denote:
    S: revulsion and sadness, or
    M: desperate ferocity?

5. When fighting against mortal enemies, which of the following verbalizations is the vampire more likely to utter?
    S: Poignant insights, spoken in a quiet voice?
    M: Pointed, witty threats offered in a growling tone?


Isolated/Grouped - Does the vampire typically dwell alone or with others?
1. Is it not uncommon for the vampire allow other individuals to sleep with him in his coffin?
    I: No.
    G: Yes.

2. Does the vampire reside in a building where other beings - mortal or otherwise - also reside, who welcome the vampire's presence?
    I: No.
    G: Yes.

3.When the vampire changes residences, do other vampires move with him?
    I: No.
    G: Yes.

4. Does the vampire keep moving around in order to avoid being found by others?
    I: Yes.
    G: No.

5. Is the vampire still tied in daily service to his Maker/Master?
    I: No.
    G: Yes.


Obsessive/Avoidant - Vampire brooding tends to fixate on an individual; for convenience, we will refer to this person as the Object Of Fixation, or "OOF" from hereon out.  This section of the assessment measures whether the vampire hangs around that individual (or, if said individual is dead, hangs around the grave, or places that remind him of the deceased), or prefers to distance himself, physically and/or mentally.

1. Does the vampire currently reside on a different continent than that where his OOF was last seen?
    O:  No.
    A: Yes.

2. Does the vampire carry reminders of his OOF with him, such as photographs, handkerchiefs, locks of hair, dry and crumbling bones, etc?
    O: Yes.
    A: No.

3. Does the vampire regularly visit his OOF's place of residence while is OOF is asleep without the OOF's knowledge (otherwise known as "stalking")?
    O: Yes.
    A:  No.

4. Has the vampire at any point deliberately sought out other beings who resemble his OOF, either as prey or company?
    O: Yes.
    A: No.

5. If the OOF has told the vampire s/he no longer wants to see him, and later gets into some kind of danger, does the vampire: 
    O: Disregard the OOF's desires and run to her/his defense, bracing himself for the dramatic scene likely to follow, or
    A: Determinedly stay away, fists clenched, staring fixedly at nothing?


Pacifist/Violent - Is the vampire primarily penitent and self-denying, or vengeful in the name of justice.

1. Does the vampire's diet consist primarily or human blood from live humans (willing or no)?
    P: No.
    V: Yes.

2. When the vampire feeds from living humans, does he usually:
    P: Leave them alive using his vampire powers to somehow heal/hypnotize the victim into tranquil forgetfulness, or
    V: Drain the victim to their death, and then dispose of the body in a dramatic location?

3. Does the vampire's daily life mainly consist of:
    P: Academic, political, or otherwise peaceful pursuits to further the well-being of all living animated beings?
    V: Relentlessly hunting down the wicked, and protecting those who cannot or will not fight for themselves?

4. When selecting humans for blood consumption, does the vampire:
    P: Only feed off of criminals or other socially abhorrent persons, turning his hateful appetite into a tool for good (despite the flavor), or
    V: Choose victims who tantalize his superior senses, providing the most personal satisfaction?

5. When confronted by a violent enemy, is the vampire's first response to:
    P:  Use the power of words in an attempt to find a resolution where nobody gets hurt, preferably in a win/win scenario, or
    V: Fight with all the hateful powers he possesses and attempt to destroy his enemy quickly?



SECTION THREE: BROODINESS LEVEL

       The last part of our results code is a number from 0 to 10, which indicates the inspiration for the over-all level of broodiness. Don’t be fooled by a low number—remember we’ve already determined that this vampire is brooding, it’s only a question of how much he’s got to brood about! This number can be calculated by tallying the “yes” answers from the following questions:

Did the vampire in question…


       a. Suffer some kind of abuse before being Turned?
       b. Fail to protect/save someone important before being Turned?
       c. Become a vampire against his will?
       d. Suffer betrayal at the hands of his Maker/Master?
       e. Kill his Maker/Master?
       f. Fail to protect someone important after being Turned?
       g. Suffer betrayal at the hands of his Progeny?
       h. Kill his Progeny?
       i. Kill someone he was trying to protect (other than Maker or Progeny)
       j. Try unsuccessfully to end his vampire existence?


      That’s all there is to it.  You can apply this to your favorite brooding vampire characters (or other supernatural beings) and compare them in Brood-offs!  Here are some sample scores from popular brooding vampire heroes:
Louis, from Anne Rice’s classic novel Interview with the Vampire: 1976/SIAV/5 
Angel, from Joss Whedon’s brilliant TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer and it’s associated TV and comic spin-offs: 1999/SISV/5 and 2004/MGAV/6 
Edward, from the undeniably popular Twilight series: 2007/SGAP/2 
Kaname, from the quintessential anime and manga Vampire Knight: 2005/SGSP/4

     And there you have it!  As vampires continue to be a staple of fantastical fiction across medias and nations, I’m hopeful that this system of classification will catch on.  Ideally I'd like to see the UDPI used as a references in essays, books, Wikipedia pages, and literary journals.  Best-case scenario? We’ll start to see Brooding Undead Trading Cards, with the UDPI scores printed at the bottom.  And if you’re the one to create them, please feel free to show your appreciation by kicking back a little of that profit my way.



____
*Yeah, that’s right, I said “he.” Male vampires have cornered the market on brooding, I’m not going to be all PC about it.

"When somebody says he's talking to God, he's talking to me. Or, talking to himself."

      And now Alan Rickman.  So far, 2016 has not been kind to brilliant British artists age 69.
      I've been a huge fan of Alan Rickman ever since "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves," where he played a frankly perfect Hollywood villain.  I keep hearing on the news that he was "best known for his role as Professor Severus Snape in the 'Harry Potter' film series," or that his best role was in 'Truly, Madly, Deeply.'  However, my all-time favorite role for Rickman was undoubtedly The Metatron from the Kevin Smith film, "Dogma."

"You people. If it's not in a Charlton Heston movie, it's not worth knowing."
      As far as I know, there are two more movies coming out that claimed Alan Rickman among their cast members. "Alice In Wonderland: Through the Looking Glass," and "Eye in the Sky."  I was undecided whether to see either of those films in the theater, but since it will be my last chance to hear that man's brilliant, languid tone in perfect surround sound, I think I need to.

      Ohayocon starts today!  I'm so stoked I don't know what to say.  Except there is no way I'm missing the "Hearts As Strong As Ponies" panel--talk about the perfect opportunity for hard, fast Con immersion!

My Baby's fun had gone, and left my Baby blue....

      David Bowie passed away last Sunday.  He was a rock icon, one of the great alternative music geniuses of the late 20th century.  To be honest, about half of his songs annoyed the hell out of me*, but just because I don't enjoy something doesn't mean I can't recognize and even appreciate the artistry.  Besides, the other half of his music was some of my favorite.
      I wanted to salute this genius by watching "The Labyrinth" (of course).  My husband nixed this idea.  Apparently, the movie traumatized him as a child, and he's just not ready to confront those demons.  So instead we drank a toast and listened to one of Bowie's most ingenious works, "I'm Afraid of Americans."

      But will somebody please explain to me how this is less traumatic than Jareth, the Goblin King?**



*Especially "All The Young Dudes"--I hate that song, and the more it gets stuck in my head, the more I hate it!

**If you say "the outfits," I'm going to disown you.

Con Snacks Coming Up: Onigiri

      Kind of a loosey-goosey recipe this week; I'm so busy prepping for Ohayocon that I'm mainly eating leftovers and large batches of clean-out-the-cupboard soup.*  But if I think this weekend is crazy, next weekend - when the Con is in full swing - is going to be even crazier!  I purchased my three-day pass last summer, and I plan to be on-site and geeking out as much as possible from 4pm Friday to 5pm Sunday.
      And, of course, I'll be hosting two panels: one on vampire culture in anime, and another on the most brilliant science minds among fictional anime females.  Hope to see you there!
      Now there is food to be purchased at the convention center, but it tends to be of the over-priced, highly processed variety.  There are some really excellent restaurants within a two-block radius of the convention center, too, but they will be crowded with long wait times.  So the answer is to bring as much of my own food as possible.  I like snacks that can sit at room temperature and don't have a lot of packaging, so I will have some home-blend trail mix and green apples in my pockets.  And, since I'll definitely be in a Japanese mood, I'll be bringing onigiri!

Classic onigiri.  But just for fun, type "onigiri" into Google Image search, and take a look at some of the cute and creative designs people come up with!
      Onigiri is a classic Japanese rice ball.  They tend to be patted into a vaguely triangular shape, and served with a strip of nori for easy handling.  Sometimes they're plain, but most often they conceal a tasty filling.  Traditional fillings include a paste made of bonito flakes mixed with soy sauce (katsuobushi), or pickled plums.  But there's no limit to what you can do--I've known people to encase minced leftover stir-fry, edamame, hot dog chunks, and even peanut butter!
Surprise!  This one had a tuna salad filling.  Since I hate mayo, I would *never* do this.  But you can, if you want to.
      For me, I like to take an asian fusion approach, such as leftover Thai larb mixture, or cooked ground pork mixed with Hoisin sauce.  But for Ohayhocon I'll probably use tofu, so I don't need to worry about things sitting at room temperature for a long time.  Here's the recipe I'll be using:

Z.D.'s Easy Fried Tofu

Ingredients:
1 large block extra-firm tofu, drained and pressed**
2 Tablespoons soy sauce
2 teaspoons rice vinegar or mirin
1/4 teaspoon sesame oil
1 garlic clove
1/4 tsp minced ginger
2 Tablespoons cooking oil (I like olive oil)

Directions:
 - While tofu is draining, combine all ingredients except cooking oil in a sandwich-size tupperware container with a water-tight lid.  Put on the lid, and shake vigorously to combine.  Set aside.

 - Place tofu block on a level cutting board.  With a sharp knife, halve the block horizontally to create two long rectangles.  Slice crosswise into 1/4 inch slices.
This is about the thinness you're going for.
 - Separate the tofu squares, then layer in the box of marinade (if you don't separate them first they will just adhere together with moisture).  Clamp on the lid, and shake thoroughly to coat tofu in the marinade.  Let rest for 20 minutes, then shake again and rest upside down.  (It's Ok if the tofu gets squished around or a little broken up.)

 - In a large, nonstick skillet, heat the oil over medium-high heat.  When just shimmering, remove the tofu from the marinade and lay pieces flat in the oil, reserving leftover marinade.  Cook without stirring until golden brown and slightly crisp, about 8 - 10 minutes.  Flip pieces over and cook until golden brown and slightly crisp on the other side, about 5 minutes.

 - At this point, you can toss this tofu into stir-fry, fried rice, curry, or keep it on hand to munch for a high-protein snack.  To make onigiri, remove from heat and allow tofu to cool until comfortable to handle.  Mince, and place minced tofu back into marinade box to absorb any remaining marinade.  Set aside and prepare sushi rice.


Z.D.'s Preferred Sushi Rice Preparation

Ingredients:
2 Cups water
1 & 1/2 Cup uncooked sushi rice, thoroughly rinsed and drained
1 Tablespoon unseasoned rice vinegar
1/2 tsp sugar
1/2 tsp kosher salt

Directions:
 - In a medium saucepan, bring the water just to a boil.  Add in the polished rice, cover with a lid, and decrease stove heat to the lowest possible setting.  After 14 minutes of the covered pan sitting on this low heat, turn heat off entirely.  Let covered rice sit off-heat for another 14 minutes.

 - Meanwhile, stir together the remaining ingredients until sugar and salt are dissolved.  When rice is done, remove the lid and stir the vinegar mixture into the rice.  Let cool uncovered for about 5 minutes, then begin onigiri assembly.
This really is easiest to stir with a rice paddle, but a quality wooden spoon works Ok.  Don't get frustrated if your rice is sticky--it's SUPPOSED to be sticky!

Z.D.'s Simple Tofu Onigiri
makes 6 stuffed rice balls

Ingredients:
1 Tablespoon cool water
1 teaspoon rice vinegar
1 batch sushi rice (see recipe above)
1 batch minced fried tofu (see recipe above)
1 large strip pickled ginger, shredded (optional)
6 strips of nori
Black sesame seeds and/or dried salmon flakes, optional

Directions:
 - In a small bowl, whisk together the water and vinegar.  Set aside.  Line another small bowl (like a cereal bowl) with plastic wrap, with at least one inch over-hang in all directions.

 - Divide the rice into 6 equal portions.  Spoon one portion into the plastic-lined bowl.  Wet your fingertips with the water-vinegar mixture, and press the rice down into an even layer up the sides, a little less than 1/2 inch thick.  This will create a sort of curved rice pancake.

 - Place a spoonful of the minced tofu into the middle of the rice.  Add a few pieces of shredded pickled ginger, if using.  Gather the plastic wrap and use it to fold the edges of your rice pancake over the filling.  Gently press the rice through the plastic wrap to make a firmly shaped rice ball (tradition calls for a soft triangle shape, about 1.5 inches thick).
I borrowed this from Michelle's Tiny Kitchen, which has some great recipes and really good instructional photos.
 - Open plastic wrap.  Place one strip of nori along one flat side of the triangle like a pot-holder, and remove the rice ball.  Sprinkle other two sides with black sesame seeds or salmon flakes, if using.  Repeat with remaining ingredients to make six rice balls in total.  (You will have leftover minced tofu.  Just stick it in an airtight container in the fridge and snack on it later.)
Some people like to mix the toppings into the rice, but I like the classic look of the sprinkle outside.

      Wrap each rice ball loosely in plastic and refrigerate until ready to eat--you can make these up to three days in advance.  They're a staple in bento (Japanese box lunches), and they make a nice afternoon snack.  For a light meal, I recommend serving them with miso soup, seaweed salad, and some fresh fruit.
      As for me?  Next Saturday, look for a woman in a black top hat sitting somewhere along the wall in the Columbus Convention Center, munching rice balls between 11am and 12noon.  I'll probably be with somebody cos-playing as Suzuno from "The Devil Is A Part-Timer."  And if you bring me mochi or dango, I might just trade.
Will trade savory for sweet!


*Which, now that I think about it, would make a good blog entry...but another time.

**Not sure how to do that?  Lay your tofu on a cutting board and raise one end about a half inch (I use a jar lid).  Put a plate on the tofu, and top with a small weight (I use an apple).  Let the tofu rest as the water is pressed out (you may want to put paper towels under the lower end of the cutting board).  You should let the tofu drain this way at least 45 minutes--I like to let it drain for an hour.

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