Scribbles & Munch

      While I work through the excellent feedback from my beta readers, I have a list of other tasks to complete before I'm ready to submit my novel manuscript to potential agents. Among these, my least favorite task of all: composing the synopsis.
      Ah, I can feel the collective wince of empathy from those of you familiar with the process. I can also sense the politely questioning blinks from the blissfully ignorant. Allow me to explain.
      Agents, editors, and publishers receive thousands of submissions a year--sometimes tens of thousands. They do not have the time to read your entire manuscript.* Instead, they want a well-written query letter. Some also want to see sample chapters. And lots of them want a synopsis. When I submitted my last manuscript a year ago, I contacted 45 agents, and fully 20 of them wanted a synopsis. And why not? A brief, concise overview of the story tells them almost everything they want to know.
      Too bad for me that writing a synopsis is torturous!
      Consider: you've spent months - maybe years - crafting a marvelous work of tens of thousands of words in a precise, poetic order.** There's flow! There's subtlety! There are description and dialogue that evoke powerful emotional response! It's your masterpiece, and you can't wait for someone to read it! But instead...
      ...instead, they want you to squash your 80,000 words down to 1,000 and still somehow get everything across.
      Wait, did I say 1,000 words? I'm sorry...I meant more like 500.
      Agents and editors are so busy, it makes sense that they need it short and sweet. So how short should a synopsis be? An average length of two pages is best (I say "average" because unless an agent specifies a desired length in their instructions, most will accept between 1 and 3 pages as a "short" synopsis). So you the writer must somehow convey what feels like the majesty of the Sistine Chapel ceiling with only a few stick figures.

The ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

My attempt to render the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in stick figures. Pretty sure a person could get ex-communicated for doing this--don't try it at home.

      If you've never written a synopsis before but find yourself needing to do so (you poor bastard), you can find some great suggestions - even instructions - online. I started with this set of recommendations by Glen Strathy, and this article by editor Beth Hill. I still find them both useful. But for me the process of writing a synopsis continues to feel like a rude chopping routine. I write out what I think the synopsis should be, covering the points that feel important. Then I realize it's waaaaay too lengthy, even for an acceptable "long" synopsis (which averages 8 pages). So I start hacking away at it. I hew off bits one at a time. I realize this scene isn't actually central to the plot (even though it's filled with suspense!) so that gets whacked off. I decide this character isn't REALLY a main character (even though we'd never know the protagonist's character-enhancing feelings towards his father without their awesome dialogue!) so she gets chopped out. I whack and hack and stab away at the damn thing in big, hard blows...until finally I have something the proper length!
      Then I read it over, and think, "Wow, this is crappily written--it doesn't capture the feeling of my story at all!" Thus begins the refinement. Because it has to be refined to show the talent. If brevity is the soul of wit, then a synopsis is every writer's chance to flaunt their acumen. It's gotta be small, and sweet, and precise, and intriguing.

In other words, you're using this...

...to make this.

      Sound like fun? HA! Oh, you silly masochist, you.
      Seriously, there are probably some people out there who can do this with ease. There are some who can do it with poise, possibly even panache. I want to know who these people are, so I can stalk them until I learn their secret so I can ask them for tips and references. And if they were (as I suspect) blessed by a Fairy Godmother, then I will simply sigh, whip up a batch of brownies to soothe my frustrated feelings, and then pick up my metaphorical hatchet and get typing once again.
      Oh, and just in case you're wondering, current synopsis word count: 3,804 rough ones. Target word count: 1,000 refined ones. I'll keep you posted.

P.S. - Speaking of eggs, today is National Eggs Benedict Day! And trust me when I say that whipping up a Hollandaise sauce from scratch is easier than writing a great synopsis. I recommend Julia Child's recipe on this one. And yes, the leftovers really do freeze like a dream.



*In fact, I have yet to find a legit agent who even wants your entire manuscript; on the contrary, I've come across several who swear that if you send your unsolicited manuscript, they will toss it in the recycling without even cursory glance. Why? Because they make it VERY clear on their websites how they want you to submit your work. And if you don't follow their instructions, they take that to mean (correctly so) that you aren't interested in following their direction, and would probably be a very difficult client to work with. It's a great way for them to weed out the unwanted. And following their instructions for submission is a great way for writers to show agents that they're serious.

**At least it feels poetic to the author--sort of like every parent thinking their kid is a genius.