Scribbles & Munch

     I made up my mind to do a panel for Ohayocon 2016 about three days after Ohayocon 2015 came to an end.  But it wasn't until Camela and I started getting ramped up for our podcast that I hit on a topic: vampires.  It was perfect.  They're a fiction staple that never seems to lose momentum in either the U.S., or Japan.  There are tons of TV shows, movies, and (best of all) anime featuring vampires, ranging from the spell-binding to the flat-out horrible.  And best of all, I am perfectly content watching all of the above.

      Or so I thought.  As time went on, the number of emotionally tortured protagonists taxed even my melodramatic sensibilities.  I found myself pondering deep philosophical questions, such as: "Who broods harder? 'Bill' from season 3 of True Blood, or 'Angelus' from season 2 of Angel?"  It's a question that demands an answer, but all I had to go on was late-night conversations with girlfriends over too much riesling.  I needed hard data!  So I decided to put my 7+ years of psychology education to good use, and I created:

The Undead Depressive Preoccupation Inventory

      Or, you can just call it the Vampire Broodometer for shorthand.  I developed this tool based on some basic principals, starting with these dictionary definitions of the adjective "brooding:" showing deep unhappiness of thoughtl preoccupied with depressing, morbid, or painful memories or thoughts.  So that becomes my primary characteristic; if a vampire doesn't fit this basic dictionary definition, there's no point in applying the UDPI.  If he* does, however, then the following pseudo-psychological assessment becomes a useful tool for easy comparisons between moody, undead bloodsuckers.

      A completed UDPI score appears as a string of letters and numbers in three sections, separated by slashes.  For example: 2005/SGAP/4.  That may look complicated at first, but it's actually pretty straightforward.  Let me break it down for you:

SECTION ONE: ASSESSMENT CHRONOLOGY
      The first part of the code is the year the measurement was taken.  Vampires live a long time, after all, and their psychological states are changeable.  So our example score of 2005/SGAP/4 indicates that the assessment of the vampire's broodiness was taken in the year 2005.

Angelus from the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel" TV series is a perfect example of how a vampire's level and expression of broodiness can change over time.

SECTION TWO: DEPRESSIVE TRAIT SCALE
      The second section of the score is a series of four letters.  I based this section of the assessment off the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or MBTI.  Before your eyes glaze over, let me point that you've probably taken at least part of this personality "test" before, because they're a popular tool for career assessment in high school.  It assesses four key personality traits, namely: Extroversion/Introversion. Sensing/Intuition, Thinking/Feeling, and Judging/Perceiving.  The results are coded in four letters, such as: ENFJ.  Sound familiar? 
      Ok, except our UDPI assessed four key Broodiness factors: 
      Sad/Mad - Whether the vampire's emotional baseline is primarily melancholy or angry.
      Isolated/Grouped - Does the vampire typically live alone, or with others?
      Obsessive/Avoidant - Vampire brooding tends to fixate on an individual, either living or dead (or undead).  This section of the assessment measures whether the vampire hangs around things that remind him of the individual, or prefers to distance himself.
      Pacifist/Violent - A brooding vampire is usually either penitent or vengeful.  Or both.  This may express itself in self-denial and pacifism, or through aggressive acts in the name of justice.  Or both.  But the primary state at the time of the assessment is to be recorded in the score.

      These traits are assessed through questions, with five questions per section.  As you go through, circle the answer you believe is the best fit (go with your gut if you're on the fence).  Then tally your answers.  The letter selected most often within the section indicates your final answer.
      Go ahead, pick a vampire and give it a try!

Sad/Mad - To determine the vampire's emotional baseline as melancholy or angry.
1. When the vampire develops romantic attraction to someone, is he more likely to express this through:
    S: Stalking and cryptic messages, or
    M: killing the enemies of said love interest?

2. When the vampire is rejected by a love interest, is he more likely to respond by:
    S: isolating himself somewhere dramatic, or
    M: going out and committing acts of violence?

3. During free time, is the vampire in question more likely to:
    S: read books, or
    M: hunt or train for combat?

4. When the vampire is drinking blood directly from a human, is his facial expression more likely to denote:
    S: revulsion and sadness, or
    M: desperate ferocity?

5. When fighting against mortal enemies, which of the following verbalizations is the vampire more likely to utter?
    S: Poignant insights, spoken in a quiet voice?
    M: Pointed, witty threats offered in a growling tone?


Isolated/Grouped - Does the vampire typically dwell alone or with others?
1. Is it not uncommon for the vampire allow other individuals to sleep with him in his coffin?
    I: No.
    G: Yes.

2. Does the vampire reside in a building where other beings - mortal or otherwise - also reside, who welcome the vampire's presence?
    I: No.
    G: Yes.

3.When the vampire changes residences, do other vampires move with him?
    I: No.
    G: Yes.

4. Does the vampire keep moving around in order to avoid being found by others?
    I: Yes.
    G: No.

5. Is the vampire still tied in daily service to his Maker/Master?
    I: No.
    G: Yes.


Obsessive/Avoidant - Vampire brooding tends to fixate on an individual; for convenience, we will refer to this person as the Object Of Fixation, or "OOF" from hereon out.  This section of the assessment measures whether the vampire hangs around that individual (or, if said individual is dead, hangs around the grave, or places that remind him of the deceased), or prefers to distance himself, physically and/or mentally.

1. Does the vampire currently reside on a different continent than that where his OOF was last seen?
    O:  No.
    A: Yes.

2. Does the vampire carry reminders of his OOF with him, such as photographs, handkerchiefs, locks of hair, dry and crumbling bones, etc?
    O: Yes.
    A: No.

3. Does the vampire regularly visit his OOF's place of residence while is OOF is asleep without the OOF's knowledge (otherwise known as "stalking")?
    O: Yes.
    A:  No.

4. Has the vampire at any point deliberately sought out other beings who resemble his OOF, either as prey or company?
    O: Yes.
    A: No.

5. If the OOF has told the vampire s/he no longer wants to see him, and later gets into some kind of danger, does the vampire: 
    O: Disregard the OOF's desires and run to her/his defense, bracing himself for the dramatic scene likely to follow, or
    A: Determinedly stay away, fists clenched, staring fixedly at nothing?


Pacifist/Violent - Is the vampire primarily penitent and self-denying, or vengeful in the name of justice.

1. Does the vampire's diet consist primarily or human blood from live humans (willing or no)?
    P: No.
    V: Yes.

2. When the vampire feeds from living humans, does he usually:
    P: Leave them alive using his vampire powers to somehow heal/hypnotize the victim into tranquil forgetfulness, or
    V: Drain the victim to their death, and then dispose of the body in a dramatic location?

3. Does the vampire's daily life mainly consist of:
    P: Academic, political, or otherwise peaceful pursuits to further the well-being of all living animated beings?
    V: Relentlessly hunting down the wicked, and protecting those who cannot or will not fight for themselves?

4. When selecting humans for blood consumption, does the vampire:
    P: Only feed off of criminals or other socially abhorrent persons, turning his hateful appetite into a tool for good (despite the flavor), or
    V: Choose victims who tantalize his superior senses, providing the most personal satisfaction?

5. When confronted by a violent enemy, is the vampire's first response to:
    P:  Use the power of words in an attempt to find a resolution where nobody gets hurt, preferably in a win/win scenario, or
    V: Fight with all the hateful powers he possesses and attempt to destroy his enemy quickly?

Louis, from Anne Rice’s classic novel Interview with the Vampire: 1976/SIAV/5 

Angel, from Joss Whedon’s brilliant TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer and it’s associated TV and comic spin-offs: 1999/SISV/5 and 2004/MGAV/6 

Edward, from the undeniably popular Twilight series: 2007/SGAP/2 

Kaname, from the quintessential anime and manga Vampire Knight: 2005/SGSP/4

      And now Alan Rickman.  So far, 2016 has not been kind to brilliant British artists age 69.
      I've been a huge fan of Alan Rickman ever since "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves," where he played a frankly perfect Hollywood villain.  I keep hearing on the news that he was "best known for his role as Professor Severus Snape in the 'Harry Potter' film series," or that his best role was in 'Truly, Madly, Deeply.'  However, my all-time favorite role for Rickman was undoubtedly The Metatron from the Kevin Smith film, "Dogma."

"You people. If it's not in a Charlton Heston movie, it's not worth knowing."

      As far as I know, there are two more movies coming out that claimed Alan Rickman among their cast members. "Alice In Wonderland: Through the Looking Glass," and "Eye in the Sky."  I was undecided whether to see either of those films in the theater, but since it will be my last chance to hear that man's brilliant, languid tone in perfect surround sound, I think I need to.

      Ohayocon starts today!  I'm so stoked I don't know what to say.  Except there is no way I'm missing the "Hearts As Strong As Ponies" panel--talk about the perfect opportunity for hard, fast Con immersion!

      David Bowie passed away last Sunday.  He was a rock icon, one of the great alternative music geniuses of the late 20th century.  To be honest, about half of his songs annoyed the hell out of me*, but just because I don't enjoy something doesn't mean I can't recognize and even appreciate the artistry.  Besides, the other half of his music was some of my favorite.
      I wanted to salute this genius by watching "The Labyrinth" (of course).  My husband nixed this idea.  Apparently, the movie traumatized him as a child, and he's just not ready to confront those demons.  So instead we drank a toast and listened to one of Bowie's most ingenious works, "I'm Afraid of Americans."

      But will somebody please explain to me how this is less traumatic than Jareth, the Goblin King?**



*Especially "All The Young Dudes"--I hate that song, and the more it gets stuck in my head, the more I hate it!

**If you say "the outfits," I'm going to disown you.

      Kind of a loosey-goosey recipe this week; I'm so busy prepping for Ohayocon that I'm mainly eating leftovers and large batches of clean-out-the-cupboard soup.*  But if I think this weekend is crazy, next weekend - when the Con is in full swing - is going to be even crazier!  I purchased my three-day pass last summer, and I plan to be on-site and geeking out as much as possible from 4pm Friday to 5pm Sunday.
      And, of course, I'll be hosting two panels: one on vampire culture in anime, and another on the most brilliant science minds among fictional anime females.  Hope to see you there!
      Now there is food to be purchased at the convention center, but it tends to be of the over-priced, highly processed variety.  There are some really excellent restaurants within a two-block radius of the convention center, too, but they will be crowded with long wait times.  So the answer is to bring as much of my own food as possible.  I like snacks that can sit at room temperature and don't have a lot of packaging, so I will have some home-blend trail mix and green apples in my pockets.  And, since I'll definitely be in a Japanese mood, I'll be bringing onigiri!

Classic onigiri.  But just for fun, type "onigiri" into Google Image search, and take a look at some of the cute and creative designs people come up with!

      Onigiri is a classic Japanese rice ball.  They tend to be patted into a vaguely triangular shape, and served with a strip of nori for easy handling.  Sometimes they're plain, but most often they conceal a tasty filling.  Traditional fillings include a paste made of bonito flakes mixed with soy sauce (katsuobushi), or pickled plums.  But there's no limit to what you can do--I've known people to encase minced leftover stir-fry, edamame, hot dog chunks, and even peanut butter!

Surprise!  This one had a tuna salad filling.  Since I hate mayo, I would *never* do this.  But you can, if you want to.

      For me, I like to take an asian fusion approach, such as leftover Thai larb mixture, or cooked ground pork mixed with Hoisin sauce.  But for Ohayhocon I'll probably use tofu, so I don't need to worry about things sitting at room temperature for a long time.  Here's the recipe I'll be using:

Z.D.'s Easy Fried Tofu

Ingredients:
1 large block extra-firm tofu, drained and pressed**
2 Tablespoons soy sauce
2 teaspoons rice vinegar or mirin
1/4 teaspoon sesame oil
1 garlic clove
1/4 tsp minced ginger
2 Tablespoons cooking oil (I like olive oil)

Directions:
 - While tofu is draining, combine all ingredients except cooking oil in a sandwich-size tupperware container with a water-tight lid.  Put on the lid, and shake vigorously to combine.  Set aside.

 - Place tofu block on a level cutting board.  With a sharp knife, halve the block horizontally to create two long rectangles.  Slice crosswise into 1/4 inch slices.

This is about the thinness you're going for.

 - Separate the tofu squares, then layer in the box of marinade (if you don't separate them first they will just adhere together with moisture).  Clamp on the lid, and shake thoroughly to coat tofu in the marinade.  Let rest for 20 minutes, then shake again and rest upside down.  (It's Ok if the tofu gets squished around or a little broken up.)

 - In a large, nonstick skillet, heat the oil over medium-high heat.  When just shimmering, remove the tofu from the marinade and lay pieces flat in the oil, reserving leftover marinade.  Cook without stirring until golden brown and slightly crisp, about 8 - 10 minutes.  Flip pieces over and cook until golden brown and slightly crisp on the other side, about 5 minutes.

 - At this point, you can toss this tofu into stir-fry, fried rice, curry, or keep it on hand to munch for a high-protein snack.  To make onigiri, remove from heat and allow tofu to cool until comfortable to handle.  Mince, and place minced tofu back into marinade box to absorb any remaining marinade.  Set aside and prepare sushi rice.


Z.D.'s Preferred Sushi Rice Preparation

Ingredients:
2 Cups water
1 & 1/2 Cup uncooked sushi rice, thoroughly rinsed and drained
1 Tablespoon unseasoned rice vinegar
1/2 tsp sugar
1/2 tsp kosher salt

Directions:
 - In a medium saucepan, bring the water just to a boil.  Add in the polished rice, cover with a lid, and decrease stove heat to the lowest possible setting.  After 14 minutes of the covered pan sitting on this low heat, turn heat off entirely.  Let covered rice sit off-heat for another 14 minutes.

 - Meanwhile, stir together the remaining ingredients until sugar and salt are dissolved.  When rice is done, remove the lid and stir the vinegar mixture into the rice.  Let cool uncovered for about 5 minutes, then begin onigiri assembly.

This really is easiest to stir with a rice paddle, but a quality wooden spoon works Ok.  Don't get frustrated if your rice is sticky--it's SUPPOSED to be sticky!

Z.D.'s Simple Tofu Onigiri
makes 6 stuffed rice balls

Ingredients:
1 Tablespoon cool water
1 teaspoon rice vinegar
1 batch sushi rice (see recipe above)
1 batch minced fried tofu (see recipe above)
1 large strip pickled ginger, shredded (optional)
6 strips of nori
Black sesame seeds and/or dried salmon flakes, optional

Directions:
 - In a small bowl, whisk together the water and vinegar.  Set aside.  Line another small bowl (like a cereal bowl) with plastic wrap, with at least one inch over-hang in all directions.

 - Divide the rice into 6 equal portions.  Spoon one portion into the plastic-lined bowl.  Wet your fingertips with the water-vinegar mixture, and press the rice down into an even layer up the sides, a little less than 1/2 inch thick.  This will create a sort of curved rice pancake.

 - Place a spoonful of the minced tofu into the middle of the rice.  Add a few pieces of shredded pickled ginger, if using.  Gather the plastic wrap and use it to fold the edges of your rice pancake over the filling.  Gently press the rice through the plastic wrap to make a firmly shaped rice ball (tradition calls for a soft triangle shape, about 1.5 inches thick).

I borrowed this from Michelle's Tiny Kitchen, which has some great recipes and really good instructional photos.

 - Open plastic wrap.  Place one strip of nori along one flat side of the triangle like a pot-holder, and remove the rice ball.  Sprinkle other two sides with black sesame seeds or salmon flakes, if using.  Repeat with remaining ingredients to make six rice balls in total.  (You will have leftover minced tofu.  Just stick it in an airtight container in the fridge and snack on it later.)

Some people like to mix the toppings into the rice, but I like the classic look of the sprinkle outside.

      Wrap each rice ball loosely in plastic and refrigerate until ready to eat--you can make these up to three days in advance.  They're a staple in bento (Japanese box lunches), and they make a nice afternoon snack.  For a light meal, I recommend serving them with miso soup, seaweed salad, and some fresh fruit.
      As for me?  Next Saturday, look for a woman in a black top hat sitting somewhere along the wall in the Columbus Convention Center, munching rice balls between 11am and 12noon.  I'll probably be with somebody cos-playing as Suzuno from "The Devil Is A Part-Timer."  And if you bring me mochi or dango, I might just trade.

Will trade savory for sweet!

*Which, now that I think about it, would make a good blog entry...but another time.

**Not sure how to do that?  Lay your tofu on a cutting board and raise one end about a half inch (I use a jar lid).  Put a plate on the tofu, and top with a small weight (I use an apple).  Let the tofu rest as the water is pressed out (you may want to put paper towels under the lower end of the cutting board).  You should let the tofu drain this way at least 45 minutes--I like to let it drain for an hour.

      As I've been fine-tuning my presentation materials for Ohayocon, I've been thinking a lot about telling stories with pictures.  All kinds of pictures: storybook illustrations, comic books, real-life images on a screen, drawn/painted/computer generated animation, etc.  In this age of film, television, and internet, a significant portion of the human race gets it's stories - fictional and factual - with visual accompaniment.  As a story-teller, that brings up a lot of questions.
      Using images to tell stories is far from new.  The first tales were all word of mouth, of course--but surely even the earliest storytellers understood the value of dramatic body language.  And of course we know that the human race was illustrating cavern walls over 35,000 years ago.

From the Caves of Altamira in Spain.  When you consider that this pre-dates Sumerian logo-graphics by over 32,000 years, it brings new meaning to the phrase "the writing's on the wall," doesn't it?

      I'm not sure who first proffered the famous quote, "A picture is worth a thousand words," but if the human race's obsession with art is any indication, they were spot on.  Even after the invention of the printing press, pamphlets and books were still adorned with original artworks, and some of the engraving plates used for mass production were considered highly, highly valuable.  Illustrated books continue to be prized today, whether it's mass manga consumption in Japan or Caldecott Medal-winning children's books.
      But no matter how refined our still art, as a species we've been fascinated by creating movement from static figures. We used puppets, shadow lanterns, flip-books, and even ancient pottery to depict beings in motion.  J. Stuart Blackton created the first fully animated film in 1906*, he hit on an art form human beings had been dreaming of for literally thousands of years.  Go ahead, give it a watch--it's pretty funny!
      Today, animated film and television is a multi-billion dollar industry.  The work ranges from highly stylized children's cartoons to CGI so detailed it can blend in perfectly with live action.  Which means we've reached the point where any discerning storyteller needs to seriously ask the question: what's the best medium for my tale?
      For a few hundred years we've had the option of written novel versus theatrical script.  We also had to ask whether or not to include illustrations.  Then: how much illustration?  Should it be an occasional picture?  Or should the art be the dominant feature, with the words filling in the gaps?  It's amazing how much information can be conveyed in a wisp of a character's hair, or how the shadows fall.  But if you're going to draw it all out, why not take the next step, and pursue animation?  Not only can you demonstrate the evolution of a facial expression, but you can even employ the artistry of camera angles and other director's tools.  And if you decide to go that route, what kind of animation do you choose?
      For me, it's all about what feels like the best way to tell the tale.**  Thus far I've been pretty married to the regular novel format.  But I admit, one of my stories - the gold rush-era zombie novel - seems like it might be better suited as an illustrated novel.  A lot of writers will tell you that when they're thinking up a story it's like watching a movie in their head.  This is true for me, also (some of the best movies ever are the ones that happen in our own heads!), but this one...I oftentimes see it in dramatic, beautifully illustrated still-shots.
      So what is your preferred format for enjoying stories?  For telling stories?  And have you ever seen/read one where you thought, "That would be so much better as a [different media format]?"




*I know, I thought it was Walt Disney, too.  It turns out Walt created the first full length animated feature, which was "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves," and before that the first animated film with a fully produced soundtrack, which was "Steamboat Willy."

**Yes, for me...who has never published anything, and therefore never had the opportunity to employ any of these techniques.  These pointless musings are how my delusional ego sings itself to sleep at night.

      For many people, New Year means new changes in diet.  Maybe there's a resolution to lose weight (especially when we see what the holiday goodies have done to our waistlines).  For some we want to increase our vitamins, or decrease our sugar--or even give vegetarianism a try.  Research shows most of these resolutions get ditched within a matter of weeks to months.  But some manage to stick it out until healthier habits are formed long-term.

This is what we're making for breakfast--it fits all three of the resolutions listed above, so keep reading!

      In previous years, I've had a number of diet-related resolutions of my own.  One year I upped my plant intake to a minimum of 50% of each meal--which turned out to be harder than it sounded.  Like many Americans I was raised with vegetables as a side dish, which at best complimented the entree (and at worst was pushed around on my plate until it looked as though I had eaten some of it).  As an adult my palate expanded to genuinely enjoy several vegetables, and as a chef I expanded my recipe repertoire to include several delectable plant preparations.  But forcing myself to plan for and serve more of them at each meal was an unexpected challenge.
      Why a challenge?  Vegetables are best when purchased fresh, and prepared fresh.  That means shopping for them more than once a week, and spending more time fixing them every day.  Canned veggies have serious texture issues, flavor issues, and some of them are preserved with salt and/or sugar, which defeats the purpose.*

Take a close look.  15% of your daily sodium intake may not seem like much, but consider that you're supposed to have 4-5 servings of veggies a day.  At 15% each, that's 60-75% of your daily sodium just with veggies.  Now, think about the salt in the other foods on your plate (better take a look at that bottles salad dressing, too).

      Frozen veggies have improved over the years.  Some - like frozen petite peas - are really just as good frozen as fresh, and even the most reputable chefs use them with zero qualms.  But heating them can be tricky at times, since microwaves vary, and stove-top methods are annoying.  And if there's any seasoning or sauce in the package, say hello to salt.

Ha ha, and you thought you were being healthy!

      Which means it's all about the fresh veg.  Fortunately, we live in an age where fresh veggies are available at most supermarkets all year round.  Not sure what's in season?  Well, you can always Google "What vegetables are in season," and if you're lucky your state - or even county - might offer a local produce site.  If not, there are several other resources, and this one is my favorite.
      But that still leaves the challenge of fitting in the fruits and veggies in every meal.  I simplify this a bit by serving fresh fruit with every meal.  It's sweet, palate-cleansing, and at the end of the day I've had my full recommended intake of fruit, so I can scratch that off my list.  Veggies are harder.  Salads can be great, but a salad at every meal gets to be over-kill.**  So in order to assist with your New Year's resolution, my 2016 weekly Munch is going to be all about veggies: the delicious, the delectable, and - most importantly - the unexpected.
      Which brings me back to today's recipe: Garlic Grits with Eggs.  No, grits are not a vegetables.  But I can't eat grits without one.  When done properly, grits are creamy and delicious and rich, and breaking an egg yolk over the top just multiplies each of those factors.  And oddly enough, a side of fresh greens with a bit of lemon compliments it brilliantly.  In other words, this is the ideal breakfast to serve with a simple salad.  Intrigued?  Read on.

Z.D.'s Garlic Grits with Eggs
serves 2

Ingredients:
1 tsp schmaltz (or butter, or olive oil), divided
2 fresh garlic cloves, peeled
1 Cup water
1/4 tsp kosher salt
1/8 tsp smoked paprika
1/3 Cup old fashioned grits
2 large eggs
1 & 1/2 Cups fresh greens (I like baby spinach and arugula)
fresh lemon juice
salt and fresh ground pepper to serve

Directions:
 - In a medium pot over medium heat, melt half the schmaltz until sizzling.  Use a garlic press to crush in the garlic, and sauté until garlic is just beginning to take on color, about 2 minutes.

Raw garlic will add bitterness to your grits.  Over-cooked garlic will add a burnt bitterness to your grits.  Just lightly golden garlic, on the other hand, will add a yummy, fragrant, savory accent to your grits--yum!

 - Pour in the water and stir in the salt, and increase the heat to high until liquid comes to a boil.

If you are not using a non-stick pot, you may have some golden brown goodness sticking to the bottom where your garlic was cooked.  This is called "fond," and it's packed with flavor, so when you add the water make sure you scrape it up and mix it into the liquid.

 - Whisk in the grits and paprika.  Decrease heat to medium-low and cook, stirring frequently to prevent lumps, until all the liquid was been absorbed, and the grits clump together like good mashed potatoes, about 11 -13 minutes.

I like the smoked paprika because it adds a lot of flavor for the amount you put in.  If you prefer heat, use hot paprika, or even cayenne pepper.

 - Meanwhile, melt remaining schmaltz in a small frying pan over medium-high heat.  When schmaltz is sizzling, crack in the eggs, and cook for one minute.  Reduce heat to medium, and cook until whites are mostly set.  Flip, and cook one minute longer for over-medium fried eggs.

Your cooked grits will clump around your whisk and come away from the pan easily.  Take them out of the pan IMMEDIATELY if you think they're starting to burn, or you see them taking on brown around the edges!

 - Scoop grits evenly onto two plates, and top each with an egg (I recommend breaking the yolk immediately so it can ooze in).  Divide greens evenly alongside, sprinkle all with freshly ground black pepper, and squeeze a bit of fresh lemon juice over the greens.

      Alternatively, if you still can't wrap your head around having a raw veggie at breakfast, you can sauté a bit more garlic in your egg pan after the eggs have been removed, then add in the greens and stir just until wilted, about 2 minutes.  DO NOT OVER-COOK YOUR GREENS, or they will be soggy and just reinforce your dislike of vegetables!  You want them to be bright green and still retain most of their original shape when you take them out of the pan, because the residual heat will continue to cook/wilt them for another minute or two.  Also, be sure to do this at the end, not the beginning of your grit prep, or else they will be stone cold by the time your grits are done.  And yes, still squeeze a bit of lemon juice over them--you will be pleasantly surprised what the acid does to brighten the flavor and bring out the richness in your next bite of creamy, yolky grits!



*And canned fruit?  Have you looked at the labels on those cans?  There's less sugar in an Oreo cookie than there is in a canned peach!  So no, I don't recommend them.

**Unless you're into that kind of thing, you creepy rabbit-person, you.

      Everyone has their favorite way to issue out the calendar and welcome in the new!  While I'm a social creature in general, I must confess New Year's Eve parties aren't always my favorite.  A lot of them seem to depend on people drinking for enjoyment rather than providing games or other activities, which won't keep me entertained through midnight.  Plus, I'm often just returned home from long stretches of socializing with family, and my energy reserves are low.  And finally, people drive like morons on New Years.  For these reasons, I prefer to relax at home on December 31st.
      My tradition is to stay in, make homemade pizza, and watch a movie marathon.  We like to do trilogies and time them so the last film wraps up about 10 minutes to midnight.  This year?  Oh yeah, you guessed it: Star Wars.
      But not just any Star Wars!  We're starting with "A New Hope," the "Despecialized Edition."  This is a version cobbled together and edited by the geekiest-geek fans ever (read: sincerely awesome people) to be as close to the original theater release as can be.  Why?  Because the original theater version won multiple Academy Awards, and a place in the Library of Congresses' American Film Collection.
      Then we're watching "Empire Strikes Back."  But then we're veering off course and checking out this crazy fan edit of the prequels, entitled "Star Wars: The Black Mantle."  Haven't watched it yet, so I can't speak to how good it is, but I am VERY intrigued by the concept!  Because the dialogue in the original films was so wooden, they actually used the Japanese dubbed release, then created their own subtitles to re-write the script!  Now that's creativity, ladies and gentlemen.  I will be sure to let you know what I think.
      Obviously we'll finish with "Return of the Jedi."  And then a few minutes to find out mistletoe and welcome in the new year!
      And as for the pizza?  Here's the crust, here's the sauce.  This year I'm topping mine with gourmet salami and pepperoni, fresh mozzerella and ages parmesan, crimini mushrooms, arugula, dry brined Greek olives, and fresh basil.  Finish it up with some good cocktails and the remainder of the holiday cookies and that's a contented farewell to 2015.

      Hello, 2016!