Scribbles & Munch

      I haven't written on this blog for a couple weeks, because I've been thinking very carefully about what I wanted to say.  A couple weeks ago, a series of painful, terrible events happened in Texas.*  Usually I say something about these kinds of killings.  But this time I didn't; this time I pretended nothing had happened.
      A couple people who know me personally asked about the absence of comment on my blog.  My explanation is simple: I got Tragedy Overload, and I got it bad.
      In psychology we talk about a phenomenon known as Emotional Flooding.  This is when a negative emotion - usually anxiety or anger, or both - becomes so intense that the brain just seems to jam.  This has probably happened to you during an important disagreement--or the person with whom you were arguing!  When someone is Flooded, they usually just stop talking.  They often avert their eyes, and if they do respond it tends to be monosyllabic, or just head gestures.
      This can be infuriating to the other party in the conversation.  We may accuse the Flooded individual of not caring, or giving up.  In fact, what science and technology are now able to reveal, the person is clamming up because they care a lot--too much, in fact.  The amount of stress hormone and associated neurotransmitters has sky-rocketed.  Their neurochemistry has reached a state where the brain cells can no longer effectively communicate logic, because the emotions are running too high.  When this happens, the Fight/Flight/Freeze center of the brain is triggered.  That shutting down is a form of Flight/Freeze.**

A simplistic visual, but accurate.  The Prefrontal Cortex is the rational, most useful problem-solving center of the brain.  (It's also the last to develop: the growth spurt starts around age 15 and wraps up ten years later.)  The Limbic System is fully developed when we're born, because our stress response is essential to survival.  So it can take over quickly and easily.

      Three days of horrific headlines, and I became Emotionally Flooded.  My brain just jammed.  There was just so much violence.  So much pointless, tragic stupidity!  I couldn't take it anymore.  I Froze, and then I Fled.  I fled by ignoring things.  I fled by pretending everything is fine, and there was nothing in the world more important than selecting french fries.
      I have the privilege of running away and ignoring.
      I caught myself.  I started talking to people about what happened.  More importantly, I listened.  I went to community meetings, and process groups.  And in thinking things through, I've come to two important conclusions:

1) These tragedies aren't going to stop happening.  Maybe the media will grow tired of reporting on them, or maybe the face of these tragedies will change again, but they won't stop.  And I don't want to be a part of the problem by ignoring them.  I'm a writer, and even if my audience is small, I want to do what I can to keep people thinking, and talking, and working to make things better.  Especially myself.

2) I do not want to do that in this blog.  I started Scribbles & Munch to be something fun and quirky in a stressful world.  Yes, racial injustice (and sexual injustice, and economic injustice) is rampant.  But I do not want it to define me, or my relationships.  I value the Black and Brown friends I have with whom I can discuss politics and power.  I also appreciate the laughter we share, and the recipes we swap, and the books we loan to one another.

      There needs to be room in my life for all of these things.  So, I am starting a second blog to focus on the issues of social injustice, and the actions we take - productive and destructive - that either perpetuate or attempt to correct those injustices.  I have already drafted a few entries, and I hope to have the blog up by the end of this week.
      I will still reference politics occasionally in Scribbled & Munch.  Even as a writer of fiction - or perhaps especially because I write fiction - I believe the values and messages relayed in my work are critical.
      To quote Tom Stoppard: "Words...can build bridges across incomprehension and chaos. [They are] sacred.  They deserve respect.  If you get the right ones in the right order, you can nudge the world a little."

So let's keep this conversation going.

*And then in France.  And then in Afghanistan.  And they just keep coming.

**The other option is Fight.  This can look like yelling, and saying things we regret.  It can turn to violence.  If that's something that happens to you or someone you care about, and that is NOT how you want to handle those situations, therapy can help.