Scribbles & Munch

      For our final week of Halloween preparations, we have one more grisly gourmet salute to the season. A pair of particularly distinct guts...specifically:

These kidneys came from three little lambs.

      Funny thing about kidneys: they really do look like kidney beans. They're the same shape, the same ruddy shade, and they have a white spot in their crook, just like the bean. Weird coincidence, that. I can guarantee you, however, that they TASTE absolutely nothing alike.
      Kidneys have an exterior that resemble liver in both taste and texture, only slightly less fragile. The very center has a tubule that cooks down to a texture like tender calamari, and a flavor like light fat. If you're squeamish, this can be off-putting, but if you can get past the unusual nature of your entrée I think you will find it meaty, savory, and very satisfying.
       Need more persuasion? Then let me reassure you thusly: we're using Julia Child's own recipe for Lamb Kidneys In Mustard Sauce.
       A few notes on preparing kidneys. Sometimes when you buy them, they may still have a thin film of membrane of them (and sometimes a layer of fat over the membrane). Carefully peel these away, but do not rinse or soak the kidneys in water! Remember, this organ is a filtration system inside a living body, so it will act like a sponge if you subject it to moisture. Otherwise, snip away most of the button of fat in the crook of the kidney using a pair of kitchen shears--most, not all, fat has flavor.
      If you're using veal kidneys, you really only need about one per person. Lamb kidneys are smaller, so allow two or even three per person. Once you've cleaned them, set them aside while you prep your other ingredients. This is a hands-on recipe, and it doesn't take long. Since this isn't my recipe, I won't write it out (copyright and all that), but I will tell you what I did.
      First, I got out a large non-stick skillet (I probably could have used a smaller one, but this is my favorite) and melted a few Tablespoons of unsalted butter over medium-low heat.

Have everything prepped and on hand--the French call this mis en place!

      I wanted the butter to melt, and the foam to subside, but not burn. While I waited for the slow melt I mashed three Tablespoons of room-temperature salted butter with about half that amount of dijon mustard. I also minced a shallot, and about five sprigs of parsley from my herb patch.

Not as delicate as liver, but they still started splitting and falling apart a bit.

      Once my butter was hot, I put in my kidneys and immediately turned them a few times to coat them. They started cooking immediately. To prevent the outer-most layer from over-cooking and getting tough, I turned the kidneys every couple minutes until they just got brown on either side (this took me about eight minutes).

They do exude some juice at the last, which I let stay in the pan to flavor the sauce.

      At this point I removed the kidneys to a warm covered dish. Then I added the minced shallot to the remaining butter in the pan, and let them cook for a few minutes. I wanted them to become translucent, but not brown. At that point I tossed in a half a cup of dry white wine and the juice of half a lemon. I upped the heat so that this mixture boiled, reducing it to a little under half its original volume (aim for about a quarter Cup of liquid in the pan).

It's Julia Child--of course it uses butter!

      Then I killed the heat, and began stirring in the mustard butter. This was done only a spoonful at a time, melting everything together before each addition. Mustard makes a wonderful emulsifier, and if done correctly this should make a smooth sauce. This is a good point to add a few pinches of kosher salt and a couple grinds of fresh black pepper.

My sauce wound up with a slightly curdled look, but it still tasted great.

      Once the sauce comes together, it was time to tend the kidneys. Quickly, using my sharpest knife, I sliced them into rings about 1/8th of an inch thick. I knew they should still be pink in the center, and they left quite a bit of juice in their warm dish.


    Once sliced, I added the kidneys and their juices back in the pan, placed over medium-low heat, and gently tossed until coated in sauce and warmed through. Sprinkled with parsley, they went immediately onto warm plates, and then my dinner table.

      I chose to take Julia's advice and serve this with braised pearl onions and potatoes (I chose Yukon Golds roasted in the oven), and to cut the richness a bit I took my brother's advice and also made crispy kale cooked with garlic. In my glass was a reasonable Cab Sav--I would not serve any kind of sweet beverage with this meal. The sauce was rich and tangy, and went with the savory kidney very well. Over-all, I was impressed with this organ. Next I might try steak and kidney pie. After all, it is still the Year of the Pie...and nothing says Halloween Tricks like serving up a hot slice of goodness and not telling people what they're eating until they're half done! MWAH-HA-HA-HAAAA!


*I really wanted to close out this recipe run with brains (hey, they're a delicacy!), but alas, it is illegal to harvest, sell, or serve calves brains in the U.S.A. This is due to concerns about Bovine Spongiform Encephalitis, also known as Mad Cow Disease. It's a rare, but rapidly fatal illness, and frighteningly hard to kill--so I guess it's better safe than sorry.