Scribbles & Munch

      It's spring, and the warm weather, beautiful scenery, and gentle sunshine tempts us outside with timeless allure. Go outside and play. Then, when you're tired, go to the movie theater and see "EX MACHINA."

      I'm so out of the loop that I hadn't even heard of this movie until my husband saw it while looking for something to do last weekend. It has high review scores (78 on Metacritic), and the trailer intrigued me immediately. So we wrangled up a couple of our best sci-fi friends and went to go watch.
      I'll just come out and say it: this movie is fucking awesome. I'm a big fan of "Her," but I honestly can't recommend it to everybody because I think it got sufficiently intellectual at points that it could leave some audience members behind. "EX_MACHINA" remedies that with a simple genre shift: instead of being a philisophical AI sci-fi romantic comedy/drama, it's an AI sci-fi thriller. If you like a psychological thriller, you're going to like this movie. The suspense builds slowly and inexorably, and keeps you guessing until the end. You don't need to be a geek to get it. The basic science language you need to understand what's going on is laid out simply and quickly at the beginning, and you're ready to roll.
      Now if you're a little more cerebral and like a movie that makes you think - like me - then you are in for a real treat with this one. The acting is flawless. Domhnall Gleeson and Oscar Isaac present characters that are utterly believable. They feel familiar, like people you've already met, or at least heard about in the news. And like real people, the more you get to know them the stronger your emotional reactions to them (by the end, my reactions were visceral). And Alicia Vikander as the AI...I honestly don't want to say anything. Just go see the movie.
      Director Alex Garland clearly paid scrupulous attention to every detail of this film, with marvelous results. The visuals are powerful; from the very beginning, nature and man-made artifacts are juxtaposed in beautiful, provocative contrast. The colors and textures draw you in. The sounds (or absence thereof, in certain circumstances) each serve a purpose, forcing your brain to pay attention.
      And then there's my favorite part of a good movie: all the THINKING I do afterwards! (Although I'm not writing spoilers, you may want to wait to read the next two paragraphs until after you've seen the flick--I wouldn't want to unduly influence your initial reactions.)

      This was such a thought provoking film! Nuance and symbolism abound as the story progresses. There are clear literary ties to Frankenstein, the Book of Genesis, and Pygmalion of ancient Greek mythology. For scientific inspiration, I found nods to behavioral modification, Freudian ideas of female psychology, and even comments on contemporary academia and research methodologies. And of course there is tremendous philosophical influence, ranging from Nietzsche to Robert Jensen. I'm sure I'll think of more as I continue to reflect on the film--a thought provoking movie is the gift that keeps on giving!
      Now, if you've seen the movie and are ready to do just a little more thinking, I challenge you with this question: imagine the film precisely as it was, but with each character's gender reversed. Yeah...tell me that doesn't get your brain going!

      If you want a movie experience that leaves you both entertained and feeling like your IQ did a few sit-ups, "EX_MACHINA" will not disappoint. And if you just want to see a good psychological thriller, you can't go wrong with this movie, either!

      Ok, first things first: you do know, don't you, that there was a devastating earthquake in Nepal? The death toll is literally rising by the hour, with continuing aftershocks, some of which are reaching the same magnitude as Seattle's Nisqually quake of 2001 (6.8). So are you getting a tax return this spring? Great--so spare $25 (or more) and chip in for the relief. There are lots of great ways to help out, but my favorite is the United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund (UNICEF). Go for it.

      Now that you've done your good deed for the day, you can reward yourself with chocolate! And not just any chocolate--chocolate for breakfast! My grandmother ate chocolate cake for breakfast for decades, and was a pretty healthy woman who lived to a comfortable old age. I want to be just like her. But sometimes, eating slices of Devil's Food Cake with Fudge Frosting first thing in the morning isn't what I'm looking for. I need something that still feels breakfasty. I looked high and low, and found my options wanting. I found plenty of muffins and coffee cakes containing chocolate chips. And of course I have my trusty Chocolate Zucchini Muffins, but none of those were really scratching the itch.
      Then I remembered those Costco muffins I ate as a kid. You know the ones I'm talking about: the ones as big as an infant's head, studded with chocolate chips, that come four at a time in that cardboard pallet with 4 poppyseed (pretty tasty), 4 blueberry (meh), and four Mystery Strudel muffins (meeehhhhh). There was something wickedly satisfying about biting into one of those enormous pastries, and they weren't half bad. But ultimately they had that processed baked good flavor that promised to stay moist and mold-free for a suspiciously long time, and the chocolate flavor was...well...not completely genuine. Plus the size basically guarantees diabetes if you eat one of those a day. So I took them a my inspiration and started mixing my own Ultimate Chocolate Muffin.

      I chose to use cocoa powder and chocolate chips, because the muffin itself should be chocolatey, and those little bursts of pure chocolate add so much. I also decided to use a bit of spelt flour, to add a little nuttiness to the flavor and pretend that I'm making health food. Finally, I decided to add a bit of chopt walnut to the top. This is for crunch, protein, and - again - to pretend that I'm being healthy. The result was a tender, chocolatey muffin that deeply satisfied! It hit all the right flavors and textures, felt like an honest-to-goodness treat, but still tasted like breakfast. So it is with great satisfaction that today I give you:

Z.D.'s Start-Your-Day-With-Chocolate Muffins

Ingredients:
3/4 Cup (1.5 sticks) unsalted butter, room temp
1/3 Cup white sugar
1/3 Cup brown sugar, packed
1 tsp vanilla
1 Cup all-purpose flour
1/2 Cup spelt flour
3/4 tsp kosher salt
3/4 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 Cup cocoa powder
2 eggs
2/3 C milk (not skim)
1/3 C Greek yogurt (not non-fat)
3/4 Cup chocolate chunks*
1/3 Cup finely chopt walnuts

Directions:
 - Pre-heat your oven to 350º F, and prep 2 dozen regular-size muffin cups either by lining them with paper liners, or greasing them (I like clarified butter for greasing, myself).
 - Using an electric stand mixer, beat the butter, sugars, and vanilla on high speed until light and fluffy, about 6 minutes.

In the past I've been impatient with this stage of baking, and haven't allowed sufficient time for my butter to become truly "light and fluffy." But I'm telling you, give it a couple extra minutes, and the final texture will pay off incredibly! Just keep scraping the sides down with a rubber spatula and ask yourself, "Does this really seem fluffy?" And if the answer's "no," let it keep beating for a couple more minutes.

 - Meanwhile, in a medium bowl whisk together the flours, salt, soda, and baking powder. Then sift in the cocoa powder. Whisk to thoroughly combine.

No sifter? No problem! A fine-mesh sieve does the trick just fine.

 - Add the eggs one at a time to the butter mixture, beating on high speed for at least one full minute before adding the next.

Another baking stage I always wanted to skimp on. You really can't over-mix at this stage, just let those eggs get beaten in like there's no tomorrow! When you're done, the mixture will be fluffy and yellow, like a good vanilla buttercream.

 - In a small bowl (or large measuring cup) stir together the milk and yogurt until thoroughly combined. Reduce your mixer to low speed, then alternate adding the flour and milk mixtures, beginning and ending with the flour. Stir in the chocolate chunks.

Looking chocolatey? Oh, yes, it's chocolatey!

 - Fill each muffin cup about 2/3rds with your batter, and sprinkle the top of each with about a teaspoon of the walnuts. Bake 16-18 minutes, until a toothpick inserted comes out with only a few most crumbs attached.

And with the walnuts on top, it HAS to be healthy!

      I kept these muffins comparatively low in sugar, which actually helps the chocolate flavor stand out and - frankly - makes them way better for you than chocolate breakfast cereals. A couple of these beauties go a long way, so pair with a good protein, a big portion of fruit, and a nice cup of your caffeinated beverage of choice, and you have a breakfast of champions, my friend. And the nice thing about muffins is that they'll keep a for a few days if you just leave them in the tins and lightly cover with plastic wrap. So that hectic Monday you're dreading tomorrow? You already know it's going to start on a good note: chocolate.



*I've said it before, and I'll say it again--don't waste your money on chocolate chips! Buy big blocks of quality baking chocolate and chop them yourself! The taste and texture will be much better, and a better value for your money.

      Happy World Book Day!
      I've already given out five physical books and six eBooks today--I hope you are similarly promoting the holiday either by reading, writing, or sharing the printed page!
      And for you, fair reader, here is a free book as well! Or, at least a link to a page from my friend Camela Thompson's blog, because today she is generously giving away free copies of the first book in her series, "The Hunted." The second book comes out soon, so don't worry, you don't be in suspense long.

Happy reading!

      You've heard me mention things like National Eggs Benedict Day (April 15th), National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day (August 4th), and National Surf & Turf Day (February 29th--only happens on leap year!). But there is more to me than food. Really. So I'm jubilant to draw your attention a WORLDWIDE holiday that, in my opinion, checkmates them all: World Book Day is April 23rd! This event was founded on the 379th anniversary of Shakespeare's death,* in part to keep the spirit of the Bard alive. But the main idea (as you can likely guess from the title of the event) is to celebrate reading good books!

One of my bookcases. Yes, that is a Freud action figure in the upper right hand corner.

      While this event has thrived in Great Britain for twenty years, it's had difficulty taking off in the U.S. There was a national non-profit to proliferate the idea, but last year it closed down due to poor funding and support. Apparently plenty of people were happy to read books - even hand out free books to strangers - but paying for said books and funding the advertising to spread the word...well...that was harder to do.
      I'm sad to report I haven't found a single independent bookstore in my area that is celebrating World Book Day this year. I'm going to call them today and ask about that, see if they'll throw something together last minute. But I am not going to stop there! Truth is, I've got at least a half-dozen books on my shelves I've been meaning to donate to Goodwill. So on Thursday, I plan on making myself a T-shirt that says, "Ask me about World Book Day!" I'll carry around my books in a canvas bag, and anybody who actually asks about my T-shirt may have a book for free. Maybe they'll even be inspired to give a book to somebody else--or at least mark their calendar for next year!
      In my experience, most people have read at least one book that they really loved**, so they like the idea of encouraging others to read. It's just that reading is sort of stationary, and hobbywise many people perceive it as being "meek," "nerdy," or "stodgy." Especially when you add the whole British part. So those misconceptions need to be mixed up with fun, goofy, shake-people-out-of-their-complacency events such as World Book Day/Night! I invite you to come up with something you can do, whether privately or publicly, so celebrate this event, and I want to know about it!
      Fill me in, either with what you're doing this year, or plans for next year. If I have something published by next year (a veeeery long shot, but a girl can dream), I will even send you a dozen of my books to hand out!


*Or World Book Night, depending on who you ask. Or maybe when you do most of your reading.
**Some of us have loved too many to count!

      In case you missed it, April 15th was National Eggs Benedict Day. Mark it on your calendar for next year. My Mom insists that, due to the decadence of eggs, ham, and Hollandaise sauce, eating Eggs Benedict is a sin, and therefore should only be committed once a year. I don't know about that, but I DO know that leaving the dish for a special occasion renders it extra luxuriant.
      I also know that if you order Eggs Benedict every time you see it on a menu, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Tough ham, lousy Hollandaise, and poorly poached eggs are bound to show up, and nothing makes me begrudge my restaurant tab more than knowing I could have made it better myself. So, my answer is to only eat this dish when it's made at home! And a proper Benedict starts with a well poached egg.
      Poaching eggs is one of those so-simple-it's-bound-to-get-messed up approaches to cooking. When done correctly, it's relatively quick, there's very little clean up, and the finished texture is perfection. When done incorrectly, you'll either have a rubbery egg or a liquidy mess. So let me give you the rundown, nice and easy.

1) Make sure your eggs are fresh. Fresh eggs hold their shape better, and they taste better, too!

2) Use a skillet or saucepan that's deep enough to hold an inch of water, and has a tight-fitting lid. Also make sure it's wide enough to provide at least a full inch of space between each of your eggs.

With a lower side, skillets are easier for egg transfer--but more important is a good fitting lid, so in a pinch a pot works just fine.

3) Put a splash of plain, white vinegar into your water. Just a splash--a teaspoon per egg will work just fine.

4) Put the water over medium high heat, and bring it to a low boil. While you're waiting, crack your eggs into heat-resistant cups! It's easier to smoothly slide an egg from a cup than it is to smoothly drop it out of a cracked shell. So dirty a couple extra mugs and just crack your eggs in advance!

If - IF - you've had practice, and your eggs are very fresh, you can crack more than one egg in a cup, because you'll be able to slide them out one at a time. But if you're new to this, don't try it yet--just stick with one egg per cup for now.

5) When the water is just come to a boil, slide in your eggs, spacing them evenly. Then quickly put on the lid, kill the heat, and set your timer for 5 minutes.

Gently boiling water. If it's a full boil, the eggs will break apart when you slide them in. If your water reaches a full boil before you put in the eggs, just turn down the heat and let the water cool to a hard simmer.

6) While you wait for the time to pass, make toast. Poached eggs are great on toast, whether it's sandwich bread, crumpets, or croissants!

7) When your timer goes off, remove the lid and lift an egg with a slotted spoon, carefully tilting to pour off extra water. Eye your egg closely: you want the white fully set - no translucent jelly bits - and the yolk still liquid in the middle. If you see undercooked white, return the egg to the still-warm water, clamp the lid back on, and let sit for one more minute.*

There will be days when your eggs are not as fresh as you thought. Not-so-fresh eggs may develop "streamers" or foam. You can fish out larger streamers of stray cooked egg white if you want, or just abandon them.

8) When your eggs are done, remove from the water with a slotted spoon, tilting to pour off extra water, and then slide onto your toast. Sprinkle with salt and pepper, break open that yolk, and NOM!

Poached eggs are part of this complete breakfast!

WARNING: This post contains severe geekiness. For your protection, I have separated it into three parts. As you advance, the geek level intensifies. If at any point you feel uncomfortable/out of your depth, just stop. It's Ok. There's no judgement here.


LEVEL ONE: Star Wars
      Just in case you haven't seen it yet, the second trailer for the new Stars Wars movie came out yesterday. Here's the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngElkyQ6Rhs

      How do you know you're a geek? When you cheer more loudly at Han's line at the end of this trailer than you have at any sporting event, ever, in your whole life.
      Guilty as charged.


LEVEL TWO: Game of Thrones
      A week ago the first four episodes of season 5 of HBO's "Game of Thrones" series were leaked. These were made available for free online - all at once - the day before the first episode was set to air on HBO. However, since they were versions specifically made available for critics to preview the season, they were not in HD. So...to watch, or not to watch? That was the question.
      I won't lie: my husband and I do not have cable, so in previous years we have been unable to watch GoT legitimately. And yet, somehow, I've seen all the episodes. In HD. Multiple times. I will leave it to you to imagine how we accomplish this. So when we heard that now we could see the first four episodes right away...! We had to have a very serious discussions.
      In the end we opted not to watch the leaked episodes. Here was our reasoning:

a) My husband, at least, has read all the books, and already knows what's going to happen.*
b) We have a great TV set and really like watching things in HD.
c) If we watched the leaked 'sodes, then we'd have to wait a whole month before getting another dose.
d) Frankly, I like the wait.

      Yes, it's true. I like the wait. The excitement of opening my childhood gifts on my birthday was always greater than the thrill of trying to find where they were hidden around the house. For me, the excitement is all the greater for the wait, so I'm content to let the suspense build. The anticipation makes great foreplay.
      Now, is this the case for everyone? Obviously not. For some people, the thrill of hunting down the forbidden - or of getting there first - is the spice that takes things to the next level. Which is fine, it takes all kinds. No, the problem is that some people assume everyone is like that, and these are the people to pollute the internet with spoilers. (Perhaps there is an additional thrill in showing off, "look what I watched before you did!") This is where my relative online ignorance comes in very handy. I get my news from newspapers and radios. I don't read a ton of blogs. I'm not on Facebook (for now). I don't do Twitter (again, for now). And so I've remained happily oblivious to any possible spoilers that may come from the GoT leaks. This has not been the case for my unfortunate husband. But then again, he wasn't too disappointed; he's read the books.


LEVEL THREE: Attack on Titan
      If you read the title of this section and went, "Huh?" just turn back now.
      If, on the other hand you read the title of this section and went, "Have they finally announced when the next season will be aired!?!!" keep reading.
      No, they are still postponing the next season of the anime, "Attack on Titan." But my husband just apprised me of this astonishment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njH4Y1UBucw

      Yeah, that's right: Live Action "Attack on Titan."  Just sit back and ride the high.
Here's more info: http://asianwiki.com/Attack_on_Titan_%28live-action%29


     Ok, Geek Out session is over. Back to cooking. *whew*



*Since I started the show first, I intend to watch the show to its conclusion, then read the books. If I had started the books first, I would have read all of them before watching the show (which would be a problem, since the series isn't finished yet). It's just how I roll.

      While I work through the excellent feedback from my beta readers, I have a list of other tasks to complete before I'm ready to submit my novel manuscript to potential agents. Among these, my least favorite task of all: composing the synopsis.
      Ah, I can feel the collective wince of empathy from those of you familiar with the process. I can also sense the politely questioning blinks from the blissfully ignorant. Allow me to explain.
      Agents, editors, and publishers receive thousands of submissions a year--sometimes tens of thousands. They do not have the time to read your entire manuscript.* Instead, they want a well-written query letter. Some also want to see sample chapters. And lots of them want a synopsis. When I submitted my last manuscript a year ago, I contacted 45 agents, and fully 20 of them wanted a synopsis. And why not? A brief, concise overview of the story tells them almost everything they want to know.
      Too bad for me that writing a synopsis is torturous!
      Consider: you've spent months - maybe years - crafting a marvelous work of tens of thousands of words in a precise, poetic order.** There's flow! There's subtlety! There are description and dialogue that evoke powerful emotional response! It's your masterpiece, and you can't wait for someone to read it! But instead...
      ...instead, they want you to squash your 80,000 words down to 1,000 and still somehow get everything across.
      Wait, did I say 1,000 words? I'm sorry...I meant more like 500.
      Agents and editors are so busy, it makes sense that they need it short and sweet. So how short should a synopsis be? An average length of two pages is best (I say "average" because unless an agent specifies a desired length in their instructions, most will accept between 1 and 3 pages as a "short" synopsis). So you the writer must somehow convey what feels like the majesty of the Sistine Chapel ceiling with only a few stick figures.

The ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

My attempt to render the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in stick figures. Pretty sure a person could get ex-communicated for doing this--don't try it at home.

      If you've never written a synopsis before but find yourself needing to do so (you poor bastard), you can find some great suggestions - even instructions - online. I started with this set of recommendations by Glen Strathy, and this article by editor Beth Hill. I still find them both useful. But for me the process of writing a synopsis continues to feel like a rude chopping routine. I write out what I think the synopsis should be, covering the points that feel important. Then I realize it's waaaaay too lengthy, even for an acceptable "long" synopsis (which averages 8 pages). So I start hacking away at it. I hew off bits one at a time. I realize this scene isn't actually central to the plot (even though it's filled with suspense!) so that gets whacked off. I decide this character isn't REALLY a main character (even though we'd never know the protagonist's character-enhancing feelings towards his father without their awesome dialogue!) so she gets chopped out. I whack and hack and stab away at the damn thing in big, hard blows...until finally I have something the proper length!
      Then I read it over, and think, "Wow, this is crappily written--it doesn't capture the feeling of my story at all!" Thus begins the refinement. Because it has to be refined to show the talent. If brevity is the soul of wit, then a synopsis is every writer's chance to flaunt their acumen. It's gotta be small, and sweet, and precise, and intriguing.

In other words, you're using this...

...to make this.

      Sound like fun? HA! Oh, you silly masochist, you.
      Seriously, there are probably some people out there who can do this with ease. There are some who can do it with poise, possibly even panache. I want to know who these people are, so I can stalk them until I learn their secret so I can ask them for tips and references. And if they were (as I suspect) blessed by a Fairy Godmother, then I will simply sigh, whip up a batch of brownies to soothe my frustrated feelings, and then pick up my metaphorical hatchet and get typing once again.
      Oh, and just in case you're wondering, current synopsis word count: 3,804 rough ones. Target word count: 1,000 refined ones. I'll keep you posted.

P.S. - Speaking of eggs, today is National Eggs Benedict Day! And trust me when I say that whipping up a Hollandaise sauce from scratch is easier than writing a great synopsis. I recommend Julia Child's recipe on this one. And yes, the leftovers really do freeze like a dream.



*In fact, I have yet to find a legit agent who even wants your entire manuscript; on the contrary, I've come across several who swear that if you send your unsolicited manuscript, they will toss it in the recycling without even cursory glance. Why? Because they make it VERY clear on their websites how they want you to submit your work. And if you don't follow their instructions, they take that to mean (correctly so) that you aren't interested in following their direction, and would probably be a very difficult client to work with. It's a great way for them to weed out the unwanted. And following their instructions for submission is a great way for writers to show agents that they're serious.

**At least it feels poetic to the author--sort of like every parent thinking their kid is a genius.