Every now and again, when I have a larger project that needs completing, I adopt what I think of as the "Not Until" philosophy.  You know the one, you've probably used it several times.  It goes something like this:

ID: I want to watch TV!
SUPER-EGO: Not until you vacuum the stairs.

ID: I want to eat that walnut brownie!
SUPER-EGO: Not until you finish your dinner, including all the vegetables.

ID: I want to make Duck a l'Orange!
SUPER-EGO: Not until you've lost three more pounds, and finish using the ingredients you've already got in the fridge.

      Ok, maybe that last one doesn't occur to most people, but it's popped into my head once or twice.* Clearly this is the unconsciously absorbed value set taught by my parental units.  They did a good job--this has become the cornerstone of my self discipline (such as it is) and for the most part, it has served me very well.  I maintain this kind of self-imposed responsibility because the vast majority of the time it enables me to live the lifestyle I want with no regrets, and decreased stress.
      Except when it comes to the publication process.  The enormous To-Do list before I send out my queries next month is...well...fucking enormous.  And because of the enormity, the number of things I'm putting off until I finish is getting longer, and longer, and more frustrating!

ID: I want to catch up on my online comics!
SUPER-EGO: Not until you finish three versions of your synopsis, research all 47 of the agents you're going to query, compose an individualized letter for each, and triple-check your submission chapter formatting.
EGO [slams head repeatedly into wall]

      This means my home is getting messy, my cat is getting disgruntled, my friends probably think I don't like them anymore, and my stress level is steadily increasing.  Oh, and it means I haven't been updated my blog regularly.  And unfortunately that will likely continue to be the case, because I've set a deadline for myself of September 21st.  So I'm going to be rather absent (aside from weekly updates of our Shadows on the Sound podcast).  But please, check back with me at the end of the month, when I will be cutting loose on the calories and the crazy rants!
      And in the meantime, wish me luck...because I sure as heck need it....




*A week.  For the last five years.  Maybe I should just make it.

      The diet continues for both the spouse and myself.  No flapjacks.  No muffins.  No soufflés.  No hash.  It's enough to break one's spirit...I swear the characters in my stories are having more scenes eating food than ever before, I'm living vicariously through their fictional lives and I'm pretty sure that's not 100% psychologically healthy.
      Anyway, I'm sorry I didn't have a recipe up over the weekend, but we've been eating fruit and poached eggs for breakfast for a couple weeks now.*  One tiny "cheat" last week was a Caprese salad, because we hadn't had one all summer and my favorite tomato vendor said her produce was at it's peak.  So here's a photo.

If that doesn't look like summer to you, you are not eating enough fresh produce.

      The secret to a great Caprese salad isn't in the presentation, or the proportions, or anything like that.  It's all about freshness: the freshest basil, the freshest tomato (I like heirlooms, of course), and really fabulous quality Mozzerella cheese (I prefer Buffalo).  For me, I sprinkle with a bit of sea salt, and then pass quality olive oil and balsamic vinegar so people can drizzle to taste.  And yes, you could totally serve this for brunch, it goes very nicely with a plain omelette.  Just make sure you have excellent Italian bread to soak up the juices!
      Completely changing the topic, yesterday was National Black Cat Appreciation Day!  Why the heck does such a thing exist, you may ask?  Because black cats are always the last to be adopted and - sad to say - the first to be euthanized when shelters become over crowded.  This is partly because all-black fur doesn't photograph well (Black Labs and other all-black breeds of dog are also slow to be adopted), but mostly because of absurd superstition.  As a person who has owned no fewer than two black cats, I can promise you they've "crossed my path" many times, and I'm a pretty fortunate individual in the grand scheme of things.  So Luna got extra loves and attentions yesterday, and here is one of her glamour shots, along with a plea to adopt your pets from shelters rather and breeders, and take a second look at all those ebony beauties just waiting for their fur-ever homes!

She's saying, "Why are people prejudiced against black kitties? Aren't I cute and fuzzy and pretty and fuzzy and sweet and fuzzy and purry and fuzzy???"

*And occasionally 1/2 C granola with skim milk. My stars, such indulgence.

      This month is one of poignant anniversaries for the United States. Last week saw both the 50th anniversary of the Voting Rights Act, as well as the one year anniversary of the fatal shooting of Michael Brown.*  I can't imagine a better time to offer my two cents about Harper Lee's latest publication, "Go Set A Watchman."  I finished it about a week ago, and have been pondering it ever since.  I wanted to be sure I'd really given myself time to think before offering an opinion.
      This post is not intended to be a book review--I'll put that on Goodreads sometime over the weekend.  No, this post is intended to be an intellectual essay on the novel's social value.**  Also, this essay does assume you have read both "To Kill A Mockingbird" and "Go Set A Watchman," and is therefore redolent with spoilers.

      Since the first reviews, one of the most common lamentations regarding "Go Set A Watchman" has been the re-casting of Atticus Finch. Like Jean Louise herself, readers of "To Kill A Mockingbird" have been awestruck by the rare, brave acts of this White Southerner who was willing to stand up for the rights of a Black man. That is why, when Jean Louise discovers her father is now a member of the local White Supremacy movement, attempting to block federal imposition of civil rights, readers share in her outrage and grief.  But once past her initial shock (and a few glorious tirades later), Jean Louise is able to find a certain reconciliation with her father.  Also, this new Atticus Finch offers a very different, more subtle wisdom for his daughter. I believe that "Go Set A Watchman" is an invitation for readers to take lessons from both these heroes--lessons that are essential for the health of America, through the maturation of her citizens.  As 'Scout' grows into a woman who must confront the flaws of those she loves, so must Americans confront the flaws in our country, and the contradictions that continue to poison it's very core.
      As Jean Louise processes her utter disillusionment, she moves through three distinct phases, each demonstrating a specific kind of bravery.  First, there is her acceptance of what she has seen. Not only her father, but her sweetheart Hank are revealed as active racists through their support of the local White Citizen's Council.  At first her brain wishes to reject the evidence of her senses, and she is overwhelmed with childhood memories that seem to contradict this revelation.  But her integrity refuses to permit denial.  It is a rare reader indeed who cannot empathize with the pain of realizing our idols are not all that they seem, but even more rare is the individual who accepts this information at first blush.  We instinctually defend our central eidolons; the dearer to our hearts, the more entrenched our denial.
      Nowhere is this phenomenon more evident than in blind patriotism.  From our earliest classroom experiences, the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave is glorified.  The sweet tales of brave settlers, daring revolutionaries, and noble idealists fill our heads.  We are taught that the concept of "All Men Are Created Equal" is the foundation of our country.  Of course, we grow older and learn about the many facets of racism that exist upon this jewel of a nation: slavery, near genocide, segregation, and systemic violence.  But how many Americans can do what Jean Louise did?  How many can absorb these truths as completely, rather than add them as mere footnotes to our mental construct?***  It takes a rare bravery to do this.
      Once we confront the truth for ourselves, it takes another kind of bravery to use the truth to confront others.  In America this can take a variety of shapes, from public protests to letters to the editor, from late night stand-up to getting out to vote.  (Whether or not this last one is "easy" is currently a matter of some debate.)  For Jean Louise, however, she was able to address her more personal disillusionment in a very personal - and passionate - way.  First she let into her intended.  Alas for him, Hank's defense regarding the stifling social pressure in closed-minded Maycomb County serves only to impresses Jean Louise with his cowardice.  But there is more than cowardice in his reaction: unjustly tainted with a "trashy" heritage, Hank was in such a perfect position to empathize with his Black neighbors, who are also limited by what boils down to nothing more than a coincidence of ancestry.  Yet instead of feeling drawn to their cause, he instead feels compelled to advance himself at their expense.  Hank's rhetoric reminded me of one of my favorite scenes from "Mississippi Burning," where Gene Hackman delivers a simple, yet eloquent explanation of one cause of racism.  Both show that in "accepting how things are," we submit to fear, and arrest our growth as human beings.
      In many ways, the defense offered by Atticus Finch upon confrontation is the reverse of his apprentice.  Atticus is not struggling to make changes for himself, but rather determined to prevent what he sees as harmful change being forced upon his community.  The impassioned dialogue between the attorney and his daughter include points of law, social development, and personal conviction.  Ultimately, both individuals are revealed as prejudiced beings.  Where Atticus sees an inferior race, however, Jean Louise is able to see the consequences of systemic oppression.  She understands this can and must change with time.  But much of her anger is personal, stemming from a sense of betrayal from the man she loved best, and here she receives no satisfaction: Atticus will not apologize, and will not admit to any wrong.  His calm and unwavering insistence that he loves his daughter makes Jean Louise feel defeated.
      The twist comes at the conclusion of the novel, when Jean Louise debriefs with her Uncle Jack. He reveals that he and Atticus have long known that she will someday come to differ with her father; if she were to live with only the values and convictions "borrowed" from him, then she would never truly be an adult.  This is Atticus's true heroism.  The deviation of values is the heart of every generational conflict, and the wedge in every bi-partisan debate.  But what Atticus knows as a man of politics is that law comes out of conflict, and justice is born of debate.  He is able to hold his convictions without denouncing the beliefs of others.  He is able to respect the need for his daughter to set her own watchman, and love her regardless of what she sees--even if it his own failings.  This is the true grace and wisdom of our forefathers, who were able to forge a nation based on compromise and the inevitability of change.  This is what the ugly face of modern politics must strive to become, if it is to truly serve the people.
      And it is this realization that provides for Jean Louise's final act of bravery: to absorb this value, and accept Atticus in kind.  She does not forget, and will not ignore, but she can adapt with love.  In so doing, she leaves herself open to her Uncle Jack's final suggestion that she move back to Maycomb County, and bring her outspoken liberalism with her.  Coming from an attitude of love and acceptance rather than scorn and belittlement, she has a much greater chance of being heard.  This is a truth that our nations greatest champions - from President Abraham Lincoln to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. - understood very clearly, and we have all benefited from his acting upon that truth.
      If we as Americans are to further the causes of justice and peace, then we must learn to emulate the heroism of these characters.  We must be willing to see the flaws in our systems and admit the ugly truths of our country.  Armed with these truths, we must then take action, and not let those responsible off the hook.  Finally, we must find the grace to accept our differences.  When we say that the United States of America was founded upon the principle that all people are created equal, it does not mean that we have equal obligation to conform to somebody's idea of what is "right;" it means that our differences do not make us any lesser than one another.  Our constitution is not meant to force us into a narrow definition of citizenship, but to make a safe, respectful, bountiful home for the diverse.  If everyone's Watchman is her/his conscience, then let Harper Lee's latest book remind us not just to set, but to heed our Watchman as a country.

Full illustration credit: http://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/jul/10/harper-lee-new-novel-first-chapter-extract-to-kill-a-mockingbird

*This month is also the 70th anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.  My heart and my thoughts are with all of the victims - living and dead - of this tragic, world-changing event.  I hope for a day when the human race as a whole can no longer imagine inflicting such horrors upon other living creatures.

**Artistically, it has an entirely different value: this was a raw manuscript when it was published.  That means there was no editing to catch small errors such as inconsistent tense, or trim paragraphs, or smooth transitions between present day and past memories.  As a writer, I find it fascinating to read this novel and wonder what the editor saw in it that she continued to work with Harper Lee in creating a novel that would become famous around the world.  If the editor had read only the first ten pages (as many agents and editors do), I think she would have trashed it.

***Ironically, since many of these historical facts appear as little more than footnotes in the history lessons taught in our public schools.

      I have a long list of things I love about summer.  Among the top ten items are: blackberries, peaches, raspberries, outdoor grilling, heirloom tomatoes, fresh basil...you probably get the idea.  Life can be hectic and stupid.  And stupidly hectic.  However, there are certain activities I simply WILL NOT sacrifice on the alter of Productivity, and one of them - especially in the summer - is my weekly Farmer's Market.  For one thing, there is no better place to find fresh summer corn.

       I like it boiled to tender crisp and slathered with butter.  I like it cut raw off the cob and sprinkled in salads.  I like it laid in the coals of a camp fire all day, so it's roasted and tender and hot by supper.  And every summer, I try to find a new way to use it.
      This summer, my spouse is suffering some unfortunate but necessary dietary restrictions, and I'm supporting him by dieting as well.*  This means we are sadly lacking in certain summer traditions, such as homemade lemonade, and berry cobbler with homemade ice cream.  But we couldn't let summer go without at least one good BBQ dinner!  So after a week of steamed rice and tofu (whee), we got a rack of ribs, made a mess of coleslaw, and I made some corn bread with fresh corn kernels in my cast iron skillet.  Absurdly.  Delicious.  We had two slices left over, so in the morning we topped them with poached eggs and called it breakfast.  It actually turned out to be one of the tastiest savory breakfasts I've had this year, so I figured I had to share it.  You can have it with any meal you want, obviously, but I do recommend topping a wedge with a perfectly poached egg, served with a nice fruit salad of peaches and blackberries.  Preferably from your local Farmer's Market.

Z.D.'s Double Corn Bread

Ingredients:
1/2 tsp regular butter
One large ear of fresh, local corn
1 Cup finely ground yellow cornmeal
1/2 Cup all-purpose flour
3 Tablespoons brown sugar, lightly packed
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp kosher salt
1/4 Cup (4 Tablespoons) unsalted butter, barely melted
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1/3 Cup sour milk, divided

Directions:
 - Plop the 1/2 tsp salted butter into a 10 inch cast iron skillet, and stick it in the oven to warm as you pre-heat to 400º F.  Once the butter is melted, remove the skillet, and use a heat-resistant pastry brush to grease the skillet.  Set aside.

 - While the butter is melting, shuck the corn and remove as much cornsilk as possible.  Using a sharp knife, carefully cut as all the kernels from the cob.  Set both kernels and cob aside.

 - In a medium bowl, whisk together the dry ingredients.  Using the dull edge of your knife, scrape as much pulp from the outside of the corncob as possible into the dry mixture.  Add in the corn kernels, and stir until just combined.

As you can see from the little blob at the bottom, you won't get a lot of juicy pulp from the cob, but it's very flavor intensive, so you don't want to waste it.

 - In a small bowl, beat together the butter and egg, then stir into the corn mixture until mostly combined. Pour 3 Tablespoons of the sour milk into your batter, and stir.  Add more by Tablespoons if too dry.  You are going for a stiff consistency, just slightly looser than a biscuit.

Use your judgement.  If in doubt, go for slightly more milk, but only slightly.

 - Scrape batter into your greased cast iron skillet, and smooth evenly.  Pop in the oven and bake for 18 - 22 minutes, until edges are barely golden and toothpick comes out clean.  Cool at least 30 minutes before cutting.

Something about the smell of fresh-baked cornbread is so freaking Middle America, I swear if the U.S. flag had a smell, this would be it.

This is a dryer, more crumbly cornbread, which is partly why it's so great with a poached egg.  The flavor can't be beat, and the corn kernels add lovely texture.  I may have a few more corn recipes in me before the summer is out, but first the Gladstone household has to shed a few pounds.  Wish us luck!

Yeah, it was so tasty, we forgot to take a picture of a slice on a plate.  So instead, you get to see the aftermath of our feast.  It speaks for itself.

*That's true love, folks.