Monday, February 29th is Leap Year--a day that only happens once every four years.  More importantly, however, it is National Surf & Turf Day!  Go out and eat a cheap-ass meal of steak and over-cooked shrimp!
      (Or maybe a fabulous steak, or lamb chop, paired with a perfectly prepared sashimi spread, or crab cake.)

     This blog post was originally written on the graph-rules pages of a college composition notebook.  Why?  Because I'm n the island of Kaua'i, and a good 6+ hours of every waking day is being spent on the beach.*  And since I would NEVER rick my precious laptop by bringing it to a beach, I've been writing the way God intended: on bleached, pressed, desiccated tree flesh.

Instead of looking at a screen, I've been looking at real-life scenes like this one.

      Now obviously, I'm not 100% "unplugged," because I'm actually a cyborg and disconnection from the network would start the automatic self-destruct sequence programmed into me at birth you're reading this off the interwebs.**  I borrowed my husband's laptop (he leaves it in the hotel room, it's never at the beach), so I could check my email and update my blog today.  But aside from a few texts to locate one another at the farmer's market, this is the first screen time I've had in a week straight.  And it has been GREAT!
      I've heard a lot of stories from people who decide to turn off their digital devices for an extended period of time, and how they go nuts at first.  Or nuts the whole time.  Not me.  For me, this is easy, and it feels like a real vacation because by not having my computer at my fingers, I've given myself permission to do so many other things.  Like stare at the horizon and then just happen to be looking when a whole pod of humpback whales do by, spouting and flipping their flukes!  Did I mention I love this island?
      Anyway, I suspect this is slightly easier for me because I don't use digital devices as much as many of my peers.  I don't own a touch-screen phone, for example.  I own a flip phone that makes calls and sends texts.  That's intentional; if I had a phone that allowed me on the internet all the time, I'd be on the internet all the time!
      When I am on the internet, I'm not checking my Facebook page, because I don't have a Facebook page.  And I love not having a Facebook page.
      Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying, "Hey I have it all figured out and you should try my lifestyle."  This is what works for me.  If you have a screen-intensive lifestyle that you love, then kudos to you for doing it your way, and keep up the good work!  I would never recommend curry to someone who doesn't like spice, and I would never recommend to Kaua'i to someone who doesn't like beaches.  But I would recommend that writers vary their modus operandi to compose from time to time.
      You literally use different parts of your brain while writing with a pen/pencil compared to when you type, just like you use different parts when speaking vs. singing.  You may notice it changed how you tell your story, you may not.  But you probably will notice a difference in what distracts you between sentences.  On a computer, it may be a social media update.  On a notebook propped up against your knee, it may be a ship in the distance, or the sound of the wind through the trees.  And since I'm inspired by the things around me, that works just fine for this here pencil-wielder.

There's the first draft of this blog post.  I wrote this on a lawn chair while I watched surfers.

*The remaining time is divided between hiking, kayaking, swimming pools/hot tubs, great restaurants, and farmer's markets.  Are you hating me yet?

**Being on vacation kind of erodes the filter between my imagination and my mouth/fingers.

      ...and I'm going to have just arrived in Hawaii.  From Ohio.  That's a 5 hour time difference.  Add in the bizarre exhaustion that comes with doing nothing but sitting on a plane, and I will be in no state to be baking anything.  So I want to live vicariously through you!
      Your mission - and you'd be insane not to accept it - is to celebrate National Sticky Bun Day* by making the best gosh darn breakfast buns you've ever eaten this weekend!  Now go forth, my comrades, and BAKE!

Are you drooling yet?

      A sticky bun is defined here in the U.S. as a strip of leavened dough, rolled into a tight spiral bun, tucked side-by-side with it's fellows into a pan lined with a sugary, buttery, and often nutty mixture.  When the buns are done baking they are flipped out of the pan upside down, so that the yummy sugary bottom is now the scrumptious top, rather like a tarte tartin.  But there are those who will bake them individually, or right-side-up, or with no nuts, or use a cream cheese glaze, and frankly I love breakfast so much I don't really care.
      If you need inspiration, here are some recipes I can personally recommend.  This first one really does make the best darn sticky rolls I've ever eaten.  The honey in the glaze adds that perfect extra flavor, so don't go with the cheap processed stuff, get some good, raw, wildflower honey.  I also recommend adding 1/8 to 1/4 teaspoon of freshly grated nutmeg in with the cinnamon, just because I love it so much.
      Now for those of you who prefer cinnamon rolls to sticky buns, I hear where you're coming from.  And I am not so much a purist that I would discount a delicious cinnamon roll as a tribute to the coming holiday.  So: here is Alton Brown's recipe for cinnamon rolls, which can be made the night before (always a good thing).  They served my in-laws very well this last Christmas, and I am happy to eat them any time.
      And finally, the last word in cinnamon rolls, ever: this recipe from Bon Appetit magazine is my all-time, hands-down, no-arguments favorite breakfast roll.  They call for Yukon Gold potatoes (which you MUST NOT substitute), and they can't really be made the day before, but they are worth every minute and every penny.  Trust me.
      So, what did you make, and how did it turn out?  Tellmetellmetellme!  I've spent enough time eating pastry and dreaming about Hawaii.  Now I want to spend time in Hawaii dreaming of pastry.



*Not a breakfast bun person?  Well, February 20th is National Cherry Pie Day.  So get crackin'!

     When Camela and I recorded out Shadows On the Sound's podcast for February 9th, we discussed some heavy topics around gender and writing.  Then we finished the serious topic with this very silly Weekly Geeky Query: If you could see any of Disney's animated fairy tales remade with the genders swapped, which would it be?
      And Holy $#!t, the ensuing conversations have been FASCINATING.  Not to mention, I have been directed to many awesome websites!  Carly pointed me towards some great photos of mermen (every one of these models deserves a free plate of sushi in my opinion).  Camela, on her blog, directed readers to this amazing artist on Deviantart, Sakimichan.  He has a few Disney-inspired pieces, most of which are gender swapped.  This was my favorite:

Cruella as a fur-obsessed male just SCREAMS evil fashion genius in ways the original could only try.  In my perfect universe, this movie was made, and David Bowie played this villain.

      You should definitely go check out his page.  Most of his posted work is inspired by anime and video games, so I essentially had one nerd-gasm after another as I browsed.
      Of better yet, just type in "Disney movie gender swaps" to Google Images and let it all wash over you!  The amount of thought and creativity that has gone into this artwork is fabulous, and it really gets your wheels turning.  Camlea wrote a whole post about the impossibility of some of these fairy tales ever being written if the genders were swapped, due to medieval sexual politics.  I, however, am happy to be more liberal with my interpretation--after all, these are frickin' fairy tales, there's nothing logical or realistic about them!

Brought to you by The D Continuum.  Just let it soak in.

      To me what's more interesting is to consider the Disney story with the personalities and the relationships with nothing different the genders of the characters.  All the characters.  Even the seven dwarves, and the talking mice, and the symphony composing crab.  Some of these stories take on very, VERY weird sexual overtones with just those changes.  My favorite?  "Tangled."  Age-defying wizard kidnaps boy and keeps him in a tall tower, brushing his hair for many years.
      Yeah.
      But perhaps even more fascinating are the stories that don't seem to change much at all.  So I challenge all writers out there - myself included - to run this little experiment in your head with each of your own compositions.  With the genders swapped, does your plot still work?  Do you still like it?  Do you still find the characters believable?  And for each answer, why or why not?  I think this is a great way to stay mindful of stereotypes, social issues, and our own personal growth.
     And this Disney thing?  Best party ice-breaker ever.  You're welcome.

      You've heard me profess my love of Japanese food, and Indian food, and pie, and breakfast in general.  But honestly, if I only had one meal left to my name, I'd probably pick a full, elegant, British Afternoon Tea.  It is the antithesis to the chaos and ugliness of the world.  Not to mention there are certain foods associated with it that you very rarely see anywhere else, such as crumpets!

Mmm...real crumpets...with a real fried egg...for a real breakfast....

      And I mean real crumpets--not the pre-made ones that you buy in the grocery store next to the English muffins.  Like pancakes and waffles, real, fresh crumpets are a culinary delight that simply must be savored fresh off the griddle if at all possible!  That being said, until today I'd never made them myself.
      Why?  Because they call for a little doo-dad called a fry ring:

If you are enamored with the idea of reining in your fried eggs but don't have the space/money/inclination to buy these things, just use a thick slice of a bell pepper or an onion.  It's also a nice way to sneak a vegetable onto your breakfast plate.

      And since I don't care about having perfectly round fried eggs, and have plenty of other yummy things I can make for tea, I'd never bothered to clutter up my kitchen drawers with these thingummies.  Now I've heard some people say you can simply remove both sides from a tuna or cat food can and wash them really thoroughly, but my nose is too sensitive for that.  The idea of going through all the trouble to wash the cans, make the batter, and fry the crumpets, only to have them taste faintly of fish is...appalling.  So I just refuse to go there.
      But I wanted to make crumpets, mainly because (yes, I realize this is a strange progression of logic) I have a little rosemary tree that isn't going to last too much longer, and I'm trying every recipe I have that calls for fresh rosemary.**  Such as Rosemary Crumpets. So I decided to experiment with my two largest biscuit cutters, and the lid ring from a Mason jar.  The outcome was pretty successful!  The jar ring worked best, so I'll be using that in the future.  And now I've passed this idea on to you, you have no further excuse not to try this recipe.

Z.D.'s Rosemary Crumpets
(makes about 12 crumpets)

Ingredients:
2 Cups flour
1 tsp active dry yeast
1 tsp brown sugar
1/2 tsp baking soda
generous pinch kosher salt
generous pinch ground nutmeg
2 tsp chopped fresh rosemary
3/4 Cup milk (whole or 2%)
3/4 Cup water
Ghee (clarified butter) for greasing (or shortening)

Directions:
 - In a large bowl, combine the flour, yeast, sugar, baking soda, salt, nutmeg, and rosemary.  Whisk thoroughly to combine.

 - In a small saucepan, combine the milk and water.  Heat gently until temperature reaches about 125º F (hot to the touch, but not simmering).  Pour into the flour mixture and whisk until very smooth--no lumps!

 - Cover bowl with a damp tea towel and place in a warm, draft-free area for an hour.  Mixture will have risen slightly, and taken on a lovely, bubbly, spongey texture.

Stirring this when it reaches this consistency is a delight.

 - Lightly grease a non-stick frying pan or griddle, and thoroughly grease the inside of your ring molds (or whatever you're using).  Set them on the greased pan, and place over med-high heat for a couple minutes to warm up.

 - Spoon about 3 Tablespoons of batter into each ring (you can use a 1/4 Cup measuring cup filled about three-quarters full).  Griddle for 4-5 minutes, until the edges are set and dry, and the top is riddled with bubbles.

You can see how well my different improvised molds worked.  The ring to the mason jar lid was definitely the winner, so I'll be using more of those in the future.

 - Remove the ring and flip the crumpet.  Griddle of the other side until golden brown, about 1 - 2 minutes.  Place on a rack in a low-heat oven to keep warm, and repeat with remaining batter, re-greasing molds between each use, until all the batter has been used.

You don't get that look, that texture, or that aroma with the store-bought, preservative-riddled stuff.

      Crumpets, like a true scone, can be used for either sweet or savory toppings.  This particular recipe is lovely topped with ham, or served as an accompaniment to sausage.  You can also grate some cheese on top and pop them under the broiler just long enough for it to melt for a fancy-shmancy open-faced grilled cheese sandwich.  For sweet, I recommend topping these with apple butter, or spread their hot surface with plenty of butter and honey!  And if you don't eat all of them fresh off the griddle, let them cool entirely on a rack and then pop them into a tupperware in your fridge.  Toast and serve.

This is my sad, slowly withering rosemary plant.  I must eat it before it dies.

*I guess technically the Japanese Squash Cake was #30, but it was unusual enough that it sort of slipped my mind.  And these crumpets sort of don't count because I think of them as an afternoon tea thing.  But I ate them for breakfast today, soooo...yeah.

**And somebody told me rosemary is an aphrodisiac.  And tomorrow is Valentine's Day.  Nudge-nudge, wink-wink, say no more, say no more!

      Before we go any further: if Disney was going to re-make one of it's classic fairy-tale animated films with the characters gender swapped, which one would you most want to see???

      Ok, thanks.  I'll explain why I asked at the end of this post.
      Now to business: If you've been an on-going reader of this blog (Hi, Mom!), you may recall that I sent out my second completed manuscript to several literary agents last fall.  I have been tracking the outcomes of this effort on my blog as they slowly unfold.  Yesterday, I received my 27th response (out of 37), and I am taking this as the sign that it's time to call it a wrap.  Here's a summary:
      Out of 37 submissions, I received 24 polite declines.
      I also had 3 agents with enough initial interest to request further materials.
      Ultimately, all three of them turned me down.

It's funny, because it's true.

      Statistically, however, that's a pretty damn good response for an unpublished writer, considering the number of submissions I sent out.  While I certainly would have been ecstatic to go further in the process, I feel content with this outcome, because it means I'm on track with realistic expectations.  It also means I'm doing well with the query process, which is a critical step!  And I still feel solid about my story.  I'll let it rest for a year or so, then give it another read-through to see if I want to tweak anything.  Then I'll give it another go!

But first, I'll sleep on it.

      On a completely different note, this week on Shadows On the Sound Camela and I talked about being women writers trying to create good, strong male heroes.  In other words, how to write Alpha Males and not Alpha Assholes.  Part of that conversation talked about abuse within relationships, and how it builds so slowly and sneakily victims almost never see it coming.  I mentioned an interview on an episode of the amazing radio show, "This American Life" where this experience is explained - simply and eloquently - from a survivor of one such relationship.  I promised I would link to it, and so here it is.  I highly recommend giving it a listen!

      Oh, and the Disney gender-swap is our Weekly Geeky Query, and I am more excited about this question than any we've asked so far!  The more you think about it, the more fascinating each movie becomes!

      In case you haven't figured it out yet, I love Japanese culture, and for me that includes a lot of Japanese foods.  Not all--I still haven't wrapped my head around umeboshi (pickled plums).  But I love the unique flavor palate used in Japanese cooking, and the different textures.  Which is why, a couple weeks ago, I decided to forgo my usual European breakfast breads in favor of a dense steamed cake made with Kabocha squash.

It may look like every other squash, but only this one can be used for this kind of steamed cake.

      Kabocha squash (usually labeled "Japanese Pumpkin" in Asian markets here in the U.S.) looks like a cross between an Acorn squash and a Cinderella pumpkin.  The outside is mottled greyish-green, and the inside is a vivid orange color.  What's unique about it is the starch content.  I have yet to find any squash in North America that is so starch heavy--almost like a Garnet yam.  But the flavor is unmistakably gourd-like, so don't try substituting yams in this recipe!
      The prep work is in cooking the Kabocha.  The final part - mixing, molding, and steaming the cake - is pretty fast, and has wonderfully little clean up.  So my version of this cake is a two parter: some to do the night ahead, and some to do in the morning while your caffeine is steeping.  Then you have tasty, different, and pretty cake on your winter breakfast plate!

Sorry the lighting is so bad, but all you see is four orange rounds, two tomatoes, and a scrambled egg.

Z.D.'s Steamed Kabocha Squash Breakfast Cake

Ingredients:
Half of one regular size Kabocha squash
2 Tablespoons AP flour
1 Tablespoon cornstarch
1/4 tsp (heaping) ground ginger
1 Tablespoons coconut sugar (or 2 tsp brown sugar)
1/2 tsp miso paste (any color)
2 egg yolks
1 Tablespoon water

Directions:
 - The night before, pre-heat your oven to 375º F.  Cover a baking sheet with a piece of aluminum foil, and grease it lightly with either canola or refined coconut oil.  Place your half a squash cut-side down on the foil, and roast for 40 - 50 minutes, until flesh is very mushy.

 - Meanwhile, whisk together the flour, cornstarch, ground ginger, and sugar in a small bowl.  Cover and set aside.  In a medium bowl, whisk together the remaining ingredients, set aside.

 - Remove squash from the oven and allow to cool slightly.  Add to bowl with egg mixture, and mash until all in combined in a thick, smooth paste.  (Alternatively, pitch all of this in to the food processor and purée the heck out of it.)  Cover and refrigerate over night.

So yes, if your batter looks like orange mush, you're doing it right.

 - In the morning, remove the squash mixture from the fridge.  Pour about two inches of water into the bottom of a large pot with a fitted steamer basket and lid, and set over high heat.  Lay out a makisu sushi mat, and lay a square of clean, damp muslin or similar dishtowel over the top.

This is pretty stiff dough, so just mush it into a bit of a log shape and then roll away!

 - Add your dry ingredients to your squash mixture, and stir until thoroughly combined.  The dough with be stiff and heavy.  Turn it out onto the damp muslin and spread into a rough log.  Using the sushi mat as a guide, roll the muslin over the dough and compress into an even cylinder.

All rolled up like a squash sausage.  Or, dare I say it, a squashage!

 - When your water is boiling, remove the sushi mat but keep your dough wrapped in the muslin.  Tuck the edges around, and lay your dough in the steamer basket.  Put on the lid, and reduce the heat to medium.

My steamer basket wasn't wide enough to lay this on it's side, but the fact that it didn't bend just proves how stiff the dough turns out when compressed.

 - Steam the cake over simmering water for 8-10 minutes, or until slightly firm to the touch.  Remove from the basket and allow to rest 5 minutes before removing the wrap.  Slice into thick rounds, and serve!

There you have it.  Stiffer than mashed potatoes, but more dense and tender than regular cake.

      This will have a dense, tender texture sort of like very smooth polenta, or a pudding cake.  Serve it with tea (I like it best with green) and fresh fruit.  If it reminds you of Thanksgiving you're not alone, because my spouse says the same thing.  But when the weather outside is dreary, we enjoy the warm flavor and vibrant color, and we hope you will, too!

      People think they select what they're going to read based on their mood.  "I'm in the mood for a mystery," they say, or "I feel like a good historical thriller."  I'm not sure how many people actually stop to ask themselves why they're in the mood for this or that.  Of course, with my psychology background, I'm nearly always curious why people think or feel the way they do, and usually that includes myself.



     "I feel like reading a non-fiction political exposé," I might say.  Then I would follow up with, "Why in the heck do I feel like reading that, instead of checking out that supernatural thriller novel that's been recommended to me by fifteen people that I trust?"

      The answer, I find, usually lies in what's going on in my life at the moment.  If circumstances are limiting my time with my spouse, I lean towards tales with romantic suspense.  If I'm dealing with life problems out of my control, I want an adventure where heroes face and conquer horrible odds.  When I feel stifled by people forcing their stupidity on me, I want characters full of wry wit and artful schemes.  You get the idea.
      I figured this out about myself pretty young.  The interesting thing is that sometimes I'm not 100% in touch with my feelings.  But I'm nearly always 100% in touch with what I want to read.  Then I can ask myself, "Why am I feeling this intense drive to re-read Harry Potter V again?  Oh yeah...because I'm feeling appalling frustrated waiting for things to happen, and the only person who could understand how I feel is lying behind a dehydrated hydrangea bush, trying to listen to the bloody Muggle news!!!"**

Now that's frustration.

     Many of you probably have a similar insight into your own links between emotional state and reading preference (or TV, or movies, or - maybe the most pronounced medium for emotional channeling - music).  And if you're a writer, you may have noticed this link goes a little deeper when it effects your creative output.  I'm not just talking about the obvious I'm mad at my boss, so I'm going to write a story where my heroine gets promoted above her boss and kicks his stupid butt on the street.  I'm talking about more subtle reflections.
      I've heard some writer's say they're more productive when they're happy, and I've heard others say that they're more productive when they're experiencing some kind of distress.  The idea of the "tortured artist" is obviously very popular, but I think that's only because happy artists are less interesting to learn about (for example, most people know that Jane Austen died young and single--but you don't hear much about her relatively comfortable and happy family life up to that point).  But I've come to the conclusion that I can be productive no matter how I'm feeling, as long as I'm willing to work on the story or scene that best matches my mood.  If I can figure that out, the ideas will come, and the words will follow.  Unfortunately, this doesn't work so well when applying the discipline to complete a single work...but ah, well...such is the burden of a tortured artist such as myself!

Do NOT use these in lieu of adjectives in your novels.

*Yes, I am fully aware that the title of this post is grammatically incorrect.

**Ok, that's an exaggeration.  But only a mild one.

      In strict opposition to dreaming of faerieland, last night I dreamt of what is widely considered one of the circles of Hell: waiting in line at a crappy business.
      Briefly: I was waiting in line to rent a car. The building was like a dingy DMV that hadn't gotten any updates since the 1960's, and although I could see at least a half-dozen employees milling around behind the counter, none of them seemed willing to do anything about the long line of people at the counter, or the group of customers hanging around, NOT in line.  And why weren't we in line?  Because we were told you couldn't get in line until you registered.  But to register you needed to fill out paperwork on a clipboard, and there was only one clipboard, with only one set of paperwork on it.  So somebody hanging around had to get their hands on it, fill out the paperwork, try to get the attention of an employee, get them to take the paperwork, then replace the paperwork, and set the clipboard back out.

"Some days we don't let the line move at all.  We call those, weekdays."

      Stupid, sadistic dream sprites.