Scribbles & Munch

      My brother is the caramel sauce master. He makes unreasonably delicious concoctions like eggnog caramel, brown butter caramel, and banana rum caramel; they make me strain my brain to think of more things I can douse with caramel sauce before devouring (oatmeal's a good one). But he recently found himself stumped on how to make a good beer caramel. He started with a number of existing recipes, only to be disappointed in the lack of apparent beer flavor (one didn't even taste like caramel, a very sad situation indeed). So he invited me to give it a try, and I did.
      I can't honestly swear that you'll taste this and go, "Oh hey, that's beer!" But you WILL taste it and go, "Oh hey, that's freaking delicious!" Plus, it's relatively easy, so you give it away as gifts and impress people.
     A note on selecting a cooking beer: normally, I am not a brand person. Whenever I read a recipe that includes a brand name product in the ingredients list, I roll my eyes and go, "Oh gee, I wonder who came up with THIS?" It's a turn-off. But I've had some misadventures in cooking with stout. Some can leave decidedly bitter or burnt flavors behind (or in some cases no flavor at all). It probably has to do hops and malts and alcohol percentage, but I'm not about to fuss over all that at this point in my career. Rather, let me simply recommend Rogue brewery's Shakespeare Oatmeal Stout, with which I have had nothing but gastronomical success. The leftovers make fine drinking, too.
     You may also notice that this recipe calls for a small addition of soy sauce. If this gives you pause, I merely remind you of the overwhelming popularity of salted caramel. Soy sauce is basically just salt. And so do NOT use low-sodium soy sauce for this recipe. In fact, just don't bother with low sodium soy sauce at all. I can't tell you how many recipes I see that call for both low sodium soy sauce AND salt--talk about redundancy. Just get the real deal and use it in moderation like a sane human being, and we can all save space in our pantry.
   

Z.D.'s Stout Caramel Sauce

Ingredients: 
1 Cup Rogue Shakespeare Oatmeal Stout
1 tsp soy sauce
2 Cups vanilla sugar
1/2 Cup water
1 Cup heavy cream

Directions: 
 - In a small saucepan over medium heat, bring the stout to a bare simmer. Cook until reduced to 1/2 Cup, about 10 minutes. Keep an eye on this and DO NOT REDUCE BY MORE THAN HALF! If you do, you will get burnt beer, which is neither pleasant to smell nor taste, and belongs nowhere near your caramel sauce! Stir in the soy sauce and set aside to cool.

This should have a nice malty scent.

 - In a heavy medium saucepan over medium-high heat, combine the sugar and the water. Stir a little JUST UNTIL THE SUGAR DISSOLVES, then remove your stirring implement and touch no more, lest you accidentally make rock candy.*

Once the sugar is dissolved, agitation will cause crystallization. Just let it boil away untouched, at least ten minutes.

 - Let the sugar syrup come to a light boil, and boil, and boil, and boil.... You're melting the sugar and allowing all the water to cook off. You know this is happening because the liquid becomes thicker and bubbles start to stack up on one another. When all the water is gone the sugars will start to caramelize, and the syrup will start to turn increasingly deep shades of amber. STAND BY.

It can be hard to see the color under all the bubbles, but just keep a close eye.

 - Watch the color of your syrup. You want it the dark brown color of the top of a good creme brulée. As it's browning, you could (and should) give it a little stir now and again, to make sure there aren't pockets of high heat where the sugar will brown too fast. Once the syrup is a strong brown and you see any hint of a wisp of smoke from the surface, kill the heat, pour in the cream all at once, and stand back.

It took me four attempts to get this shot because the steam kept blinding my camera!

 - It WILL bubble up like a thing possessed, as the water in the cream boils off fast and hard, and the milk fat steams as it settled into the sugars. Once the insanity subsides, return the pot to medium heat and stir until the lumps of caramel dissolve. Oh, and resist the urge to taste at this point: it is dangerously hot!

The sugar and fat both hold heat waaay more efficiently than water or air--professional cooks call this stuff liquid napalm!

 - Stir in your beer reduction, and bring the contents to a simmer. Stir and simmer gently until the flavors are combined and more liquid has evaporated, about 6 to 8 minutes. This will be thinner and darker than most caramel sauces - mine came out a distinct shade of bittersweet chocolate - but the flavor is out of this world!

THAT...is a pot of deliciosity.

*A couple tips: Don't use a metal spoon or whisk for stirring, as the metal conducts temperatures too quickly and will leave cool spots in your syrup. I like to use a silicone spatula, but if you have one give it a good sniff first: silicone can pick up smells really easily, and will transfer them to whatever you're cooking. If your silicone implements smell like oil, or spice, or dish detergent scent (gross), give it a good wash by hand in hot water with unscented dish soap. If the smell's still there, you'll need to let it sit in a jar of baking soda for a few days.
Oh, and if you do accidentally crystalize your sugar into rock candy, add hot water and stir until dissolved, then start over.