Scribbles & Munch

      You may have noticed that I don't do Facebook.
      In fact, outside of this blog and my plain email accounts, I don't do social media at all.  No Twitter, no Instagram, no nothing.  And holy $#!t, do I get some fascinating feedback on that decision.
      Most people who don't know me that well react with great surprise when I tell them I don't use Facebook.  Then I tend to get one of these follow ups:
      "You will.  Sooner or later, you'll get sucked in."
      "How do you keep in touch with people?"
      "You're so smart; I hate Facebook!  But I can't seem to function without it."
      "Why?"

       That last reaction is my favorite, but it's not easy to answer.  The fact is, there are a plethora of reasons I don't use social media - especially Facebook - and while none of them is huge, once they all come together they create a big, solid, undeniable heap.  If you're curious, I'll be happy to tell you some of them.

The cat does an intervention whenever I'm on the computer too much.  Note the subtle but unmistakable placement of the tail.  Hint, hint.

      But there is one more reason that I don't share very often, because I don't want to offend people: I'm pretty sure what we see on Facebook is about 90% fake.  It's the cyberspace equivalent of cleaning your entire house and putting out the good towels when you have company.  It's the same principle that spurs people to go on crazy diets and spend more money on hair and make-up right before their wedding.  It's the embodiment of our desire to look good in public.*
      I base this on two things: first, because this is what the vast majority of people tell me about their own Facebook use.  They confide in me that they feel pressure to have cool photos like so-and-so, or have awesome updates like that-guy.  Second, because I am a therapist.  I know - as well as any outsider can possibly know - the kinds of things that actually go on in people's lives, and in their minds.  And it is NOT all grinning Selfies.
      Which is why I love, love, LOVE this collaborative project between PostSecret and The Mighty.  Honest captions on Facebook photos.  What. A. Revelation.  Check out these examples:


      PLEASE, check this out.  Share this with others.  Be brave, and do it yourself.  If this was what social media could be - this tool for honestly, for being brave and encouraging others - then I would be behind it with zero hesitation.  But of course, it's just a tool.  It is what we make it.



*Don't misunderstand me, there is no judgement here.  Humans have an innate drive to be seen in a positive light by others--one could argue it's how civilization evolves, because we model and support positive behavior for one another.  But if I care enough about a person that I want to keep up with what's going on in their lives... then I want to know what's really going on in their lives.